Re:why? Chelle30: I'm with you...don't call, go for a walk, call your mom or a friend and vent, call him all the names in the book. I've been sitting here the last two days trying to understand how someone who "loved" me could be so mean. That's what hurts the most. He always had that face and tone that told me that he didn't care. While I felt like my heart was being ripped out, he would calmly look at me and coldly tell me I was being too emotional.
Now I know it's okay to show emotions....
You deserve better, if you need to vent, to call him those names or cry over the hurt he caused, I'm here, and it appears that there are many here at this site that are ready and willing to help others out of the funks, and angers, and the depressions.
Already you are doing the right thing by taking your hurt and frustration out here instead of on him...thats want he wants, he wants to know that he can still get to you, that he can still crawl under your skin and cause hurt and despair. DON"T LET HIM! If you talk to him and you feel the "why" question coming up your throat, or the tears creeping forth...tell he you have an appointment, or another call, or something, just get away before those things come out.
Believe me, it works. The first time I calmly told my ex that it would be better not to talk at that time...(the arguement was building, one of us was about to explode) and that I was going to hang up, HE got upset and the satisfaction of hanging up on him, of knowing that I ended the call calmly and it was he that was "too emotional" was thrilling. To be honest though, I bawled my eyes out as soon as I put the phone down, but he didn't know that!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Re:why? ouch: Babygirl sorry to hear of your situation. I'm sure you are already finding people having similar stories. Just know the problem isn't you, it is them for treating you in such a manner. You did your best to be with them and you now must do your best for yourself. It hurts, yes, and how long it will take for that to go away, I can't say. Just remember you will survive.
Re:why? mine: no...babygirl
no excuse...at all
the problem is ...you can reassure ...thease people..over over again
say as many beautifull words....they feed of the strong one
taking your energy ...to feel good about themselves....leaving you feeling drained and exhausted
one word slightly out of place...will negate any of the 10001 good words you have said
.
it is made far worse ........because that one thing you say .... is making them feel very bad about themselves....
because they feel bad about themselves anyways...
the problem is,
they dont trust you , they dont trust themselves.....
they believe that ....you will eventually realise....that they are that bad person..., undeserving of love...because no one has ever treated them that way in the past.......they dont klnow love and kindness
and to them all they know .....is hurt
love is associated with hurt
so if it is happy it cant be love
it can only be love if it is painfull and hurts
just dont ever forget , this hurt and anger...that is directed at you
is not .........It is directed at you , because he wants to be like you ....but cant
because of his past.........so in reality the anger is directed at his past
and at himself.............
Re:why? purplestar278: Wow! It's hard to believe that other people are going through the same EXACT thing that I'm going through. Emotional and verbal abuse sucks.
My STBX has done the same to me over our 8 1/2 year relationship and now he's turning his back on me, throwing me away like some rag doll. It hurts, oh it hurts like hell. And I know I have to move past the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the abuse and the rejection.
Thanks for being brave, speaking up and if anything, being a comfort for me to let me know that I'm not the only one who has been treated like this. There are wonderful men out there and I have met one through this board. Keep your chin up, be positive, don't let him get to you. He knows which buttons to push and he will push them all the way through you. Don't let him step on you any longer. I want to hurt him so bad, to retaliate and show him what it feels like to be stomped one, but I can't. I can't for myself nor can I for my kids.
Hang in there! If you need anything, let me know. I'm right there with you.
Dana
Re:why? mine: they will resent you ....for coping with life.....and resent you for being stable
they will resent you for being help to put the past behind you.
this just makes them feel more abnormal......the more loving and caring you are
so if they can bring you down to there level ......it actually makes them feel better about themselves.........
of course..no person can stand constant verbal abuse...emotionall abuse....without occasionally lashing out......even if it is a scream in frustration
but ....by getting you to crack.....this just reafirms that they behaviour is normal after all
it is very confusing... i know
the problem is.. when they do calm down like we all do....they suddenly get all rational....
and know that the way they behaved is bad
and when they do this.......their low self esteem returns...
Why would anyone want to be with me.......i trated them so badly
so the whole process.....of reasurring , and trying to make them feel better about themselves will start again
this is a vicious cycle...
it will go on on on on on on on...untill one day
somone breaks it....
now this person will feel that you will break it first
so He will break it before you do
in order....to keep in control ..................
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