Disbelief charmed: Hello everyone. I'm new to this board, but it seems like a great bunch of people.
Here's my story-
My boyfriend and I were together for two years. We got along better than most any couple I know. We had a lot in common and talked for HOURS at a time. There were a few negative moments, but nothing big and nothng that lasted long. We both are calm people and never argued.
It's really difficult to explain the closeness, but I can say I loved this man with every fiber of my being and I thought he felt the same about me. He gave me every reason to believe this. He made sure I knew he not only loved me, but was "in love with me" and often whispered this when we made love. We didn't exactly talk about marriage, but certainly talked about a future and a lot of this came from his end.
It was through investigation from a small bit of information that led me to find out he had cheated on me. I had clear proof. He had not had full-blown sex with her, but it wasn't far from it. He was frequenting her work and corresponding with her via email. They had a bit of a falling out and it was at this point he called me saying he was so lost and confused in life, but insisted he wanted a relationship with me. He did not know that I knew about his infidelity at this point.
continued....
Re:Disbelief voidinside: Welcome to Ojar!
First off, I'm terribly sorry to hear about the problems you're having. It seems that you're trying your best to salvage your relationship.
I'll be one to admit that i've had some 'experience' with strip clubs. You'll have to remember that the women dancing there are working. They will make you feel like the sexies man in the world, pump you full of compliments, hang on your every word, take your money and then tell the other girls in the dressing room how stupidly drunk you were. The best ones will keep you coming back time and again, handing over cash like their very own walking ATM machine. It's an alternate world that one could easily get caught into if in the right state of mind.
That being said however, there are instances of relationships being founded in these establishments these are rare and short-lived. I've been in one of those relationships while i was separated and ended it because i believed i was making the right choice (and other reasons).
It will be difficult, as it seems you are in a somewhat lon-distance relationship, but try to keep communication going between the two of you. He may be trying to live out some un-realized fantasy and a majority of the girls at the club are flaky at best.
Re:Disbelief charmed: Hi voidinside. Thank you for your response.
My post may have been so long that it got confusing LOL My boyfriend sent ME an email saying he is leaving me because he is unhappy. He pretty much knew it was over when I told him I had nothing further to discuss unless he could be honest, but he turned things around and dumped me. I did not reply. His tone was without much remorse and there wasn't even an "I'm sorry". He did say that he didn't want to hurt me, but everything he said placed blame on me.
My boyfriend is stressed and confused about his future career. He has been back and forth on this and can't seem to be satiisfied with one thing. I do believe him when he says he is lost, but going to another woman and letting me, US go, isn't he solution.
At first I wrote a LONG email in reply to his because I wanted to point out how distorted his view was. . None of what he said in his last email adds up!!! I decided not to reply at all. I don't feel his email warrants a reply.
Still confused!!!
`charmed
Re:Disbelief voidinside: Well... working at a strip club (bar back, bartender, dj, bouncer) has its advantages, but yes it would be ironic if he was caught in that trap.
I agree that he's got an odd view of women and relationships. I would have thought he was justifying his actions, but if he's always been this way it seems that his mindset needs to be addressed first.
I apologize for missing the part in the previous posts about the breakup, I had it in my head that the two of you were attempting to salvage the relationship; now that I look back, it was even in caps! It's been a long day...heck it's been a long 3 months for me.
Re:Disbelief charmed: voidinside I think you hit the nail on the head that my boyfriend needs his "mindset" addressed. He goes back and forth between wanting to be the attention seeking, fun-loving young stud LOL to a grown man that wants a good, constructive and loving relationship with one woman. Until he sets his feet firmly one way or the other, he'll always have relationship problems. He's said no one has ever broken up with him. I thought (at the time) he was so good to them that no one wanted to break up with him. Now I see that HE always walked out!!!
`charmed
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