So confused...thinking about divorce Ojarnewbie: Hi All, I'm new to ojar and I think this site is great. I wanted to see if any of you can relate to someone who has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Personality disorder. It's destroyed me that our first 10 months of being married to her have been hell because she had OCD/OCPD and I only found out three days before I got married. Has anyone had any experience with this disorder?
I've been going to a psychologist because I can't comprehend most of the things that she doesn and we tried marriage counseling with no success. I've also looked on the internet and found this link:
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.htm
Unfortunately, most of this article applies to her. It's very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and my life is full of unseen landmines.
Re:So confused...thinking about divorce Ojarnewbie: Hi All,
Just an update...I went to see my lawyer because I feel like I've been lied to about her mental condition and I just can't seem to get past it. She was always "off center" in a wierd way the entire time we were dating, but I had no clue that she had OCD. I chalked it up to her "being anal". I guess I finally cannot deal. Has anyone ever felt like they couldn't move past something like this? She hasn't cheated (that I know of), but it's been the most drastic change for me over the past 10 months. It's affecting me in all ways. I just can't seem to relax because everything needs to be perfectly aligned...perfectly clean...just everything needs to be perfect. I'm just really at the end of my rope.
:-[
Re:So confused...thinking about divorce Safetykc: Gosh,
I have no experience with OCD...That has to be really hard. Divorce in general is hard as you can see from all our stories. Some people have spouses with Bi-polar or issues that we believe are there, but are undiagnosed.
First of all. Wellcome to OJAR and I hope we can all help with our experiences and support, even if some of us have no specific knowledge of OCD.
Safety
Re:So confused...thinking about divorce Ojarnewbie: Hi Safety,
Thanks so much for the kind words! Many people don't understand OCD because there's not much understanding of it in the first place. I believe that she has Obsessive Compulsive Personality disorder instead of OCD. If you've ever seen the movie "As Good As it Gets" that's kind of what I go through. She's been diagnosed with OCD in the past (while we were dating), but she never told me and I think it's more like OCPD. She has a problem with personality disorder. OCD sufferers can bring toasters in their trunks to work because they're too afraid they left it on when they leave their house even after checking it 20 or 30 times! She's more of a personality disorder in that everything needs to be "perfect". Her appearance, her demeanor, and that I need to be perfect as well. Because of her constant need for "perfection", everything suffers. It's virtually impossible for her to do anything other than clean or order something. So, fun is out of the equation. Fun was out of the equation the beginning of this year when we first got married. Anyway, I guess my point is that I'm tired of trying to get her to get some help. I've tried every way possible...being supportive, loving and patient. I hate the fact that she told me that she was diagnosed before we got married, but right after she decided to deny the whole thing. Now that I'm in the marriage, it's enough to drive me crazy. I always need to clean or organize something in her eyes. I never really get a minute to relax. I just wished she had told me before so that maybe I could have some leverage to make sure she got some help. Leverage would have been calling off the wedding until she got some help. But, I guess that wouldn't have made a difference because it seems that she doesn't want help. Anyway, there ends my Monday story. Thanks all for listening. :)
Re: So confused...thinking about divorce OCPDpunchingbag: Been married to an extreme OCPD/OCD person that hid it from me since the beginning, (9 years), I always blew her anal behaviour off to be that - just an anal person, until she began showing more and more of extreme control and extreme exxageration of any event. All attempt to offer support, recommend counseling is challenged as over criticism. Use extreme threats of untrue faults on my part and threatens divorce to win arguments or to put me in my place. read this book that saved me: http://www.albernstein.com/id60.htm she scored 23/25!!! getting a divorce and very happy to put this decade of my life behind me!
