Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone rss: [quote author=jtim10 link=board=1;threadid=12503;start=0#msg103158 date=1117730904">
maybe you are repressing your feelings as some kind of a sub-conscious self defense mechanisam. You might want to talk to somebody about it, things like that tend to snowball and when they do come out it's not pretty!
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Yes, I have been sitting here for hours analysing my feelings and the 'numbness' is actually me feeling overwhelmed with all this and all that has happened. You're right, the feelings are there.. they are seeping out, slowly...
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone jtim10: It will be a rollercoaster ride of emmotions and the world may look flat at times, but it does get better. This place has helped me to know I'm not alone and all the feelings are normal. Hang in there and keep your chin up!
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone JimB: Thinking back on your story (congratulations on sticking with the no contact, btw), here's what I would suggest: wait.
Honestly, it sounds like you're both holding some things back. If she truly feels nothing as a result of this whole debacle, she's a sociopath. More likely, she feels she needs someone to approve the choices she's making, and that's why you're there. And if you had gone along with the seduction, that would have been the ultimate in approval. (Good on you for not going along with it.)
But her feelings aren't really your concern now - yours are. Take some time to make your own judgments about who she is and what she's about. Set some boundaries - I don't think no contact is necessary anymore, but you might consider limiting your contact to telephone only, or perhaps conversation with no touching. Take the time to establish what you would need to know before you go forward, then find out those things.
You are in the driver's seat now. Based on her recent actions, she has chosen you, and you are what she wants. Take all the time you need to decide whether she is what you want.
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone rss: Thanks everybody for your help and support. I have been talking to her. According to her, her heart is with me, but this guy gave her 'something' As far as I can tell, 'something' is basically affection and appreciation. Now I did that too, but apparently it wasn't enough. I don't know EXACTLY what it was that she got from him, and I don't even know if it's worth pursuing this if I can't give her waht she wants.
Other factors include her parents loving him, him having $$$, the promise of a new life, etc...
I feel like quite the 2nd hand shoe. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot going for me. I'm 25, doing a phd in Computer Science in the best university in the UK, intelligent, capable of dealing at the top of my profession, but I obviously don't have the advantage of a lifetime of parents' wealth. I don't believe this was the primary factor for all of this, but of course it helps to sway.
To me, it seems that she is STILL taking me for granted in that I will always be there no matter what -- she seems to take me totally for granted as in I'll ALWAYS be there. She doesn't realise that even though I stuck by her through this, at some point even I can get up and walk out of her life for good.
It seems like our relationship is a shattered plate. In pieces everywhere, right now I'm at the stage of retrieving the pieces -- only then will I be able to tell whether it's worth rebuilding.
Thanks for all your help and support again OJAR community.
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone gumby55555: [quote author=ChiefWiggum link=board=1;threadid=12503;start=0#msg103157 date=1117730719">
Flip back to the day you started dating her. If someone told you "this woman is a cheater - she will cheat on you" would you still have dated her?
[Answer before continuing...">
Well, you're considering dating her again. And let me be the first to tell you "this woman is a cheater."
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Don't mean to hijack the thread but wow, CW, what a great perspective for all of us... all we have to do is replace the question with what's relevant for our particular situation and what an amazing perspective it offers! Very simple yet very insightful!!!
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