Re:all of a sudden she's unhappy with herself and marriage Ilosther: thanks everyone! all your experiences and advice gives me hope for this to work out or even that i can move on if this fails.
THANKS
Re:all of a sudden she's unhappy with herself and marriage BMS: I think in a way you and I are screwed. We try to solve the problem. I guess in that way men are different then woman. I guess I need to just shut the hell up for a while let her speak, and not try to analyze and solve the problem.
There have been several times over the past two weeks where have these moments of absolute clarity. Suddenly, an I idea will pop into my mind as to how to resolve our differences or where to start rebuilding it. I become filled with hope and determination - ahh haa this will fixed the problem, and then I talk to her and I'm way off mark. She is the only one the can fix her self, I'm just afraid that when she does it will be too late.
I try to classify her or her actions too. I think, she was here alone, starting a new job, in a new place, no family or friends except for my family, new career, having money for the first time. She was here alone trying to buy a house, in a market that is brutal, and I was here to help. I try to sympathize with her but in the end, I just can not figure out where we went wrong.
I think what I'm going to do is tell her that we are going to sell the house we bought, 1 month ago, a rent an apartment together. If I feel that after a few weeks she isn't taking proactive steps to fix our marriage or if she does but then loses focus, I will move out. If I move out, I will tell her that I will try to wait for her to figure things out on her own, BUT I won't wait forever and I can't tell her how long I will wait. I will tell her that when I say wait, I don't mean sit at home waiting for her to call, but rather go out and meet people. If I meet someone, or if I come to some point where I don't think I want to try with her anymore, I will simply call her and ask her to never call or try to contact me again.
The problem for us is that we just moved into this house and half of the house is empty. After she lived with my parents rent free for 6 months we, or should I say she, has a chunk of cash in the bank. We had talked about buying a new bedroom and living room set, but now our lives are on hold. I've been driving the same beat up Jeep for nearly 13 years and now that I'm commuting 2 hours a day I need a new (used) car. That is being held up. Everything is on hold, we're in a state of perpetual limbo.
As for attacking her, I would never lay a finger on her. Last week when things got really ugly she started pushing me, she grabbed my shirt and scratched me, but I did not even once think to touch her. It's just simply not in me. Plus I don't want to go to jail or lose my job.
We're still together, and life marches on. Like I said before, some days are better than others.
Re:all of a sudden she's unhappy with herself and marriage Ilosther: our situation with the house too, have way lived in, new bedroom set, new leased car, i drive the old beat up one now. thought selling the house would relieve some stress, but of course we live with her parents now, so that can't be good since their a big root of her childhood problems with self esteem.
you are being very mature about this, as i think i am. i gotta stop trying to figure out the solution, cuz right now i'm looking into if the pill causes depression since she just started it 3 months ago. i'm like, why did u start on the pill if u had these feeling of unattraction to me?! weird. but that's me, holding on to hopes, trying to find solutions. i mean, her nutritional balance is poor and the pill does deplete lots of vitamins, some that can cause thinking problems or something. i'm a scientist, just not in that field, but that's why i search for concrete reasons, there has to be.
but yeah, it's good you are still together, that's all we can hold on to right now. we were about to look for a house once we sold our old one, but now that's not smart, even though getting out of her parents house has got to be healthy. renting is an idea, but her dad watches our son, so it's easier that we are there.
man, similar situations, and i hope for both of us and all that are in our situation, we can make it work and actually stay together. in the end, if it works, we'll onlybe stronger for it and i keep reassuring her that, since she might feel without pride and even more lost for coming back.
i'm rambling now, but seems like you are being strong and this gives me support too.
did u do counselling together?
Re:all of a sudden she's unhappy with herself and marriage BMS: My wife has a doctrate in analytical chemistry and what attracted me to her was her inquistive and curious nature and her logical approach to issues. Unfortunately, that curiosty might be our doom.
Re:all of a sudden she's unhappy with herself and marriage BMS: I asked her to seek counsoling with me. The first time I asked she said sure. Since then, every time I bring it up she either says "no" or "what good would that do". However, last night she asked me what I thought the counsoler would say? So perhaps I piqued her interest. Of course I didn't tell her what the counsoler would say because I don' t know. I just know that if you car breaks down you take it to a mechanic, if your sick you go to a doctor, and if you marriage turnin into S**T then you see a F***king counsoler. But I am firm in that she must be the one seeks help. I can't make her or coerce her into attending them.
BMS
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