Re:Advice Needed hurting: It was always what I had - I shared - that was when we were living together. I guess I am just worried that if I "lend" him this money - and it doesn't work out - will I be out this money? It's not even about the money really. I know that if I do lend him this money and things go bad, then I will feel used again. There was a good point made about him being dependent on me financially and me being dependent on him emotionally. In order for him to be financially independent (at least while we are not living together) then I think I have to not lend him the money. I am working on being emotionally independent so he has to work on being financially independent. I just feel so d**n guilty about saying 'No"
Re:Advice Needed sourpuss: [quote author=hurting link=board=1;threadid=12522;start=0#msg103302 date=1117740895">
I know that if I do lend him this money and things go bad, then I will feel used again. There was a good point made about him being dependent on me financially and me being dependent on him emotionally. In order for him to be financially independent (at least while we are not living together) then I think I have to not lend him the money. I am working on being emotionally independent so he has to work on being financially independent. I just feel so d**n guilty about saying 'No"
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sit him down and tell him that. it is right on the money (no pun intended) and if the 2 of you are going to make it, he needs to understand what's motivating you.
it will give you both a chance to talk about your issues with money in the relationship (we all have 'em). they say differences in financial style are a leading cause of marital strife, and i believe them.
Re:Advice Needed ouch: When you say you are working things out, does that mean you are seeing a counselor or getting other outside help or you are just talking again?
As for the money, you have every right to tell him that you have fears in leading the money and things getting worse between you and feeling used. I think his reaction to that may indicate what his intentions are.
Re:Advice Needed cosettie76: You are kidding me, right? Isn't this cut and dry? No honey, no money. Sheesh. And, while you're at it, file legal separation papers so he can't claim any of your income. I loaned my husband tons of money while he was short on cash cause he lost his job and I was 6 months pregnant and working every day, but he slept in my bed every night and helped me through that pregnancy. Since then, I've given birth to 2 of his babies and he has made every cent. Sometimes it is a give and take thing.. but what is he giving??? sounds like he's just trying to take
Re:Advice Needed mick: you are not responsible for his failures or successess - i have been in a similar situation before, and i made the decision to not lend the money - at first, i felt horrible but i think it was because of co-dependency issues that i had - later i realized that lending the money would have only gotten him out of an immediate jam - it would not have "fixed" his entire situation
what is that saying - it is better to teach someone to fish than to give them the fish
it is irrelevant whether you have the money to lend
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