Re:Trying to make sense of it all... loshyra: STBXW= soon to be ex wife....
Trust me....I know I had to ask also..
Re:Trying to make sense of it all... ouch: welcome to OJAR, and I'm sorry you had to find us under these circumstances. I have only been here a while and it has helped me a lot to have a place to share with others who have an idea what I have exprienced. I wish you the best and hope you get as much support here as I have.
Re:Trying to make sense of it all... charmed: Welcome to Ojar. We're here to help (((hugs)))
You might want to read my post about "compulsions, addictions-break-ups". It may help you get unconfused as to what may be happening in your relationship.
I wish you the best-
`charmed
Re:Trying to make sense of it all... oncehappy: My stbxw has been diagnosed as biploar. I had my suspicions for years. When our boys were little, some days I would come home from work and they would say something like, "Don't go back there daddy, mommy's "switched" again!" Whoa!
This is due to ongoing sexual abuse from her father as a pre-teen and teen. these issues run deep. It wasn't until 21 years into our marriage that the truth came out and she disclosed some of it to me. Thius wasn't enought, however. she needed to get help but didn't. To this day she is in denial and actually has re-established the relationship with her father!
Makes me sick. It might be different if the issues were resolved, but they're not and she's very, very irrational, in denial, and pointing her finger at me at every opportunity! Pretty sad but there's nothing more I can do about it.
Re:Trying to make sense of it all... charmed: It is sad oncehappy, but it also gives you more understanding to why she can't maintain a constructive, loving relationship. It doesn't help the pain you are enduring, but it might help to alleviate doubts within yourself.
When there are unresolved issues such as you mentioned, they will follow the victim continuously into any relationship. They will take others captive and cause great pain. We can't "fix" them as much as we would like to. They have to take responsibility and stop pointing the finger.
`charmed
