Re:I feel so lost... mick: is it possible that your husband is distancing himself and now you want what you can't have? in other words, it seems like maybe somewhere in our subconscience everything looks so much better when it is a challenge to get it
Re:I feel so lost... misscobi: Thank you all so much. Pluscachange.... I can't thank you enough for your post. Unfortunately our stories are so similiar. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your wife sees the damage she's doing.
Saturday was the worst day of my life. Thankfully my husband and I have been talking through this for over a week now. It all came to a head on Saturday. He was giving me specific examples of how I had rejected him and how much it hurt him. To have him crying and knowing that I caused that pain was almost unbearable. It was all part of the process, though. By Saturday night he had decided that our relationship is worth trying to rebuild. I will never hurt him like that again.
Oh, and you're all gonna love this part... Ok, so Saturday night we're on the same page, ready to move forward. There's still that email from the x to deal with. He told me that he wanted to apologize for how he broke up with her and was just curious as to how her life was going. I urged him to go call her right away so that we could get this distraction out of our way. It was a difficult thing for me to do... well, that's an understatement!... but I knew we had to get it out of the way. Turns out she's a lesbian now. She had been married and left her husband for another woman. Interesting, huh? I'm so very glad that we had turned a corner and made a commitment before finding that out, just so I don't doubt the reason for his comitment. Anyways, so she's harmless, they have been chatting a little all benign stuff which he shares with me. Both are happy where they're at in their own lives right now and there's nothing to it.
Wish us well, but so far thing are absolutely wonderful and I don't think that will change. There is hope guys...
(((Hugs)))
Re:I feel so lost... pluscachange: [quote author=misscobi link=board=1;threadid=12545;start=0#msg105088 date=1118155233">
Thank you all so much. Pluscachange.... I can't thank you enough for your post. Unfortunately our stories are so similiar. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your wife sees the damage she's doing.
Saturday was the worst day of my life. Thankfully my husband and I have been talking through this for over a week now. It all came to a head on Saturday. He was giving me specific examples of how I had regected him and how much it hurt him. To have him crying and knowing that I caused that pain was almost unbearable. It was all part of the process, though. By Saturday night he had decided that our relationship is worth trying to rebuild. I will never hurt him like that again.
Oh, and you're all gonna love this part... Ok, so Saturday night we're on the same page, ready to move forward. There's still that email from the x to deal with. He told me that he wanted to apologize for how he broke up with her and was just curious as to how her life was going. I urged him to go call her right away so that we could get this distraction out of our way. It was a difficult thing for me to do... well, that's an understatement!... but I knew we had to get it out of the way. Turns out she's a lesbian now. She had been married and left her husband for another woman. Interesting, huh? I'm so very glad that we had turned a corner and made a commitment before finding that out, just so I don't doubt the reason for his comitment. Anyways, so she's harmless, they have been chatting a little all benign stuff which he shares with me. Both are happy where they're at in their own lives right now and there's nothing to it.
Wish us well, but so far thing are absolutely wonderful and I don't think that will change. There is hope guys...
(((Hugs)))
[/quote">
Hi Mis, thanks for the warm wishes, I appreciate it.
I'm glad your husband was able to communicate with you so openly like that. That really shows that he's into fixing this, even if he still may have trust/emotional scars/issues for a while over it. You're on the right track.
As to my wife, she knows precisely how I feel about this, and doesn't care that it affects me this way. I have been told I "should get over it" and "you'll never understand", and most recently, that she doesn't like the fact that I even bring it up from time to time. My guess is she figured she married a pushover or something, I don't know really.
Anyway, glad to hear things are going great! Good luck, and best wishes on this! :)
Re:I feel so lost... misscobi: Plus, once again, I can't thank you enough. I must have read your post a dozen times over the weekend. I even read the entire thread to hubby. I think your post also helped him realize that he's not alone. I'm so sorry that your wife still doesn't see(or care?) how difficult it is for you. I have a friend who is also in a similiar situation and even though I talked to her, at length, about everything that's going on with us she's still making excuses and doesn't seem to want to change just yet. She loves her husband, as did I, it's just so difficult to get out of a rut. Here's an example... I like to be supermom. I'm a stay at home mom and I take my job very seriously. Well, last night I'm making tacos for dinner. I've got a tortilla warming up in the skillet when hubby hugs me from behind(yep, he's making an effort and enjoying this). I turn to snuggle with him for a bit and it crosses my mind that the tortilla is going to burn. Then I immediately realize it's a *tortilla.* We have 20 more in the package and who gives a crap if it does burn? I shared that thought process with my husband, but probably even a month ago I would have turned away from my husband.... if I had ever even turned to him at all... and insisted on tending to the stupid tortilla. Stupid, I know. We just get so caught up in having to "go, go, go" and get things done.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. If there's anything we could do for you, please let me know. I'd even talk to the wife if you thought it would help. Now, mind you, I'm not far out of the hole myself and am certainly no expert, but I do have some insight...
(((Hugs)))
