When and how to date... sigkapgirl: Okay, so i've been separated from my husband for 3 months, and i'm not thinking about dating any time soon, but when i start to feel up to it, when is an acceptable start time? I don't feel guilty about dating because he had an affair, and i figure, if he can date while we're married, then i can date while we're separated if i want to!
my second problem - i'm only 22, and so everyone thinks i'll just bounce right back and that i understand the dating scene. well, my husband and i dated for 8 years before we got married (so i was 14). which means i really haven't ever dated except for him, and a couple times when we were on a "break" in high school, which isn't really like real dating. i am SO incredily lost as to what to do. i don't even know how to get a date, where to get a date, nothing. i know, it sounds so incredibly pathetic for someone my age, but i guess i just don't know where to start...
any advice would be greatly appreciated! thanks so much!
Re:When and how to date... Tarheel: 22? I'm just glad I'm not the baby around here anymore.
Okay, SKG, my theory is you go back to the basics. Run down your old friends and begin there. If your situation was anything like mine, you lost touch with all your old friends. Find them. For instance, I made some calls, ran down my best friend from high school, and now we go out every Tuesday night to shoot pool, have some drinks (and sing karaoke if I get drunk enough). Maybe they'll know some available guys. And if they don't, they'll probably be more than happy to go help you look.
That's a start, especially if you're like me and really don't know where to go, what to do, and how to do it.
Re:When and how to date... CoryL: Since I am closer to your age (26), I can relate.
My first piece of advice is to wait until the divorce is final. I came really close to dating before it was officially over and I am glad I didn't do it. Just because he cheated, doesn't mean you should too. The marriage may be dead, but the vows YOU made aren't. Plus it will give you time to help grieve, heal, and sort yourself out.
That said, once the divorce is final (should you choose), whenever you feel comfortable enough with yourself to date someone, you should.
Your name would lead me to believe you are/were in a sorority. Call up your sisters and see if they know anyone. What about work? Any guys there worth checking out? If you are still in school, what about some of your classes? If you go to church, that is a place you can easily meet people, especially if they have a ministry for young adults. There is always the bar scene, but that can get tiring.
Network, network, network. Someone you know will know someone that may be single or know someone who knows someone who is. ;D
Good luck with it. I know how it feels to be young and have people expecting you to be out there again. Start when you feel comfortable enough with you.
Cory
Re:When and how to date... hudson: hey sigkagirl,
Sorry your husband did that to you. It's only been a little while since your separation. I think it's important to allow things to sink in, just for starters.
A certain level of closure needs to be attained before you do anything in the way of dating. Most likely, there are quite a few issues with yourself, your husband, and your marriage that need to be resolved. There needs to be a clear ending emotionally to your marriage. Like I said, closure. Closure is a personal thing, each person reaches it in their own way, but it does take time.
take care
Re:When and how to date... lghawaiian: Hey, I'm 24, even closer, and my wife is now living with a previous friend. So, I hear you.
We're over, and even though she's done something like this, I'm still going through with a joint divorce, because I don't want to force her parents to pay for a lawyer for her. They didn't do anything to me.
*Ahem* Back to the subject at hand. I was aching to fall into someone's arms when I first heard the news. But now, even though she is continuing to be mean, I am waiting until the divorce is final before I start seriously pursuing another relationship. Not the day after, mind you, but that is when I will start thinking about it.
Work things with your husband first. If you are still separated, either make an effort to reconcile or continue the divorce. You have to finish what you have started before opening another chapter of your life.
That's my opinion. :D
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