Re:Does anyone get this? rhondam71: Midwest:
Thought provoking...
If Midwest is saying that if we are able to "fix" other traumatic/difficult things gone wrong in life, why can't divorce be considered a "fix" to marriages gone wrong. Then I agree.
The whole "Marriage is supposed to be forever" is a little old fashioned and simple-minded in my opinion. With online chatting, gambling and drug/drinking vices, abuse and adultery on the rise in the last 50 years- we ARE a diferent society dealing with difficult issues and we do not have our "parents' and grandparents' marriages. IF you say those vows during your ceremony and believe them then that's your personal belief to try and uphold. My marriage is focused on surviving the rough time right now by dealing with each day - one day at a time. We of course hope for a great "forever" future together.
The "sacred" vows of marriage are as sacred as you make them in my mind. I meant what I said when the judge stood before me a conducted a civil ceremony, but I would never promise myself (in marriage) to ANYONE on this planet unconditionally if there was abuse, adultery, etc. So aren't some couples promising something they can't possibly know they will uphold the forst day of their marriage?
Re:Does anyone get this? jillieb44: People change though, sometimes and cannot be fixed/changed. Not all marriages were a mistake from the get-go (though some are).
I thought marriage was forever, and I was the one saying that I'd *never* get a divorce. I was unable to fix things, and here I am.
Jillie
Re:Does anyone get this? WhiskeyGirl: I guess Im old fashioned....but I thought my vows were forever.To me....."I got divorced, I fixed it" is a total contradiction. I wanted to "fix" our marriage, I would have done anything to try and do that. My husband didnt see it that way and I guess mabey he thought that he WAS fixing this little inconvienient "mistake" by leaving. I dont see that as "fixing" anything, I see it as an easy way out. Yeah, your right, these days marriage just doesnt seem to last....but does that mean that we should all just jump on board and not even bother to try anymore? I dont know your situation, sometimes the only thing you can do is leave.....but I dont like to think that people should just start taking marriage so lightly. If you arent in it forever, then don't get married, simple as that.
Re:Does anyone get this? down2basics: [quote author=jillieb44 link=board=20;threadid=12580;start=0#msg103817 date=1117816722">
I thought marriage was forever, and I was the one saying that I'd *never* get a divorce. I was unable to fix things, and here I am.
Jillie
[/quote">
Well said Jillie!
The problem as I see it is that marriage can't be *fixed* unless both *mechanics* are working on it. It takes TWO people to *fix* a broken or dying marriage...one person can't be solely responsible for making everything alright again. That never works, as far as I know anyway....
d2b
Re:Does anyone get this? jillieb44: Of course, now that I'm the leaver, I'm at fault, according to his relatives (who he hasn't told diddly squat).
Truth is he drove us out, with his behavior and treatment of us. I was treated worse than a roommate/maid. Still am.
I've told his family of some of his issues; maybe he'll get help, but at least they're not in the dark any more. Let the ex explain himself further.
Yes, it takes two. You know, no marriage is perfect. We each do little things that annoy our spouses, intentionally or unintentionally. But you'd think that if one cares enough to bring these issues up, then it warrants a good discussion and resolution (or at least working on it), no? I was always too sensitive, it was a joke, you're overrreacting. I'm one of the most non-dramatic, even keeled people I know. I'm irrational? I think not.
Again, passive aggressive issues and backpedaling on his end, trying to make me think it's all my fault. I'm wiser now.
Jillie
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