Re:I'm So Angry lily: I just thought I'd share this story with you because, as a teacher, you might relate. I teach Grade 3. This is how bad I was:
It was exactly three months ago that my so-called boyfriend deserted me. If you read my 'Dear Ken' letter in this section, you'll know how bad a state I was in. My hair is still falling out because apparently there's a delayed reaction: it doesn't start until about two months after a trauma.
Anyway, I was a wreck, and the kids couldn't help noticing. They kept asking, "why do you look so sad, Ms. --?" I always said I wasn't feeling well. But I kept having to leave the class to run to the bathroom and have a snot-nosed-sobbing cry, and I'd always return with red puffy eyes.
Finally one day I couldn't keep up the charade any more. I called the children to the carpet and I was bawling my eyes out, and said this: "A lot of you have been asking me why I look so sad lately, and I always say I'm sick. Well, I'm not sick...I am sad, because over the March Break I lost someone I cared about very much." We talked for a little while about grief, and missing someone.
They were so sweet, little angels...they showered me with hugs and cards and little presents.
They wanted to know who died.
Anyway, that was only two or three weeks ago. Between then and now, I had an epiphany of sorts and although I'd never suggest that I'm recovered, I feel like I'm on the way. I did a lot of reading about commitmentphobes and came to see beyond the shadow of a doubt what a sick man I'd been involved with. That seemed to do it: once I had some understanding, I was able to wipe my eyes and carry on.
Anyway, just thought I'd share this with you...the point being, you can recover and you will.
Lily
Re:I'm So Angry LostTeacher: one of the first things i did openly for my kids was change my name. i waited until the start of the new semester, but i did it. this was about 3 months after our seperation. i had just moved into an apartment alone, changed all of my living arrangement, and i was in the middle of being devestated.
i told each class that i was changing my name back to my maiden name. for 2 of the 4 classes, it wasn't a big deal. but for 1 class in particular, it was really bad. i had barely got the words out of my mouth when i started crying. they were in grade 12, and no one knew what to say. then 5 girls came up to the front of the room, and gave me a big hug. and from that moment on, it wasn't a big deal at school.
i just needt to personally find the way to finally say "enough is enough", and get done with this mess. i hate waking up and think about him with her in our house, and me alone in a stupid apartment. i hate thinking about him at every moment of my day, instead of just living in the moment. i need to stop living in the past, and try to start focusing on the present and the future.
thanks for your words, because it's always nice to hear stories similar to my own.
Re:I'm So Angry Chey: LT your anger post could honestly have been written word for word by me. I understand completely. With the help of some exceptional friends I'm starting to pull through and get to the other side of the anger, but it's intoxicating to allow it to take over.
Thank you for posting it....you're a terrific woman.
Re:I'm So Angry LostTeacher: i am just so darn tired of being so angry and sad!!!! >:( :'(
today, while driving down the street, i passed him and her in the car together. they were a little ways away, but i knew it was them. it's the first time that i have seen them physically together, and it's just breaking my heart.
i am so angry that he is moving on, and getting happy with someone else, while i am sitting, alone, in my apartment, with no one to love.
i just keep hurting, and i have cried so much since thursday, i don't know where to turn. i don't know what to do. i am stuck in this hole, with tears pouring down my face, for a guy who doesn't deserve my tears. for a girl who is going to get hers in the end. i am just so hurt and angry, i want to phone him and scream at him, to tell the girl off, anything to get rid of this stupid anger!!!!!! >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( >:( :'( :'(
*edit* - Chey - sorry i didn't thank you right at the very beginning of this post.....just trying to scream out my sorrows, and i posted before i was done! thanks for your concern, and always being there to post your support for me! it's why i care for you!
Re:I'm So Angry Chey: Awww don't thank me for caring, I honestly wish there was more I could do. Maybe if we ask Bubba he can come up with some friends in low places to take care of business for you? :)
HUGE hugs your way. I wish you were close enough that we could take you out for coffee to get you away from your pain. All I can tell you is that I completely understand, and please don't ever apologise for feeling the way you do. You stood by your promise to love forever. Never apologise for that. Just because someone falls out of love with who you are, doesn't mean it turns your switch off automatically. It would be wonderful if it did, and save us so much pain...but unfortunately we have to ride the tide and pick up the pieces.
Anytime you want to chat ok?
Chey
Click More for the next page.
