Is friendship possible? MidwestHopeful: I left my husband and our divorce will be final in a few weeks. While he didn't want the divorce, he acknowledged that I was not happy and he was mostly to blame. I talked him away from this sentiment because I don't want him to blame himself. I take a lot of the responsibility. In the end, I think we would mutually agree that we were not good for eachother.
With that said, we made a great effort to stay friends. We still talk frequently on the phone and keep in touch via IM. I tell him what's going on in my life and he tells me what's going on in his.
For those of you out there that have tried being friends, can it work? Will it last? My expectation is that while he says he wants to be friends, once the divorce decree is in hand and he's had some time to think about it, he'll hate me. I wouldn't say I don't deserve that, but it's certainly not what I want. Will he turn?
Re:Is friendship possible? hurting: I think it's possible to remain friends...It's just so hard not to remain in contact with someone you have shared your life with. But - I think once time passes and either one meets a new man/woman...the friendship will be strained and it may not last.
Re:Is friendship possible? mick: i went through a divorce 5 years ago - we had no children - i, like you, also asked for the divorce - we just weren't right for each other - the actual divorce proceedings were very difficult, however, after the divorce, we became friends which lasted for about 2 years until he started living his life in a way that was sad to see - he would ask me for money; he was seeing a married woman, etc - all this was too much for me
long story short - if i had it to do again - after the divorce, i would have just "released" him with love without trying to keep a connection
i look back and think that the reason that i did keep in contact with him was kind of like a security blanket for me as i ventured out in life newly single
Re:Is friendship possible? loshyra: I am actually ok friends with my first ex husband. We try and keep in contact. We do have kids together, but that didn't matter in the beginning...after 5 mins in the same room we fought. But somewhere we both realized that this wasn't good for us, or the kids. I personally would have remained friends with him even without the girls.
I think it is possible but hard.
Re:Is friendship possible? down2basics: FWIW...my two cents worth - which really isn't worth that!
This thread struck a nerve in me because I have tried so desperately to keep a warm and amicable friendship going with my ex. We've been divorced three years now, and it doesn't get any easier....in fact, it's gotten harder. We have two beautiful children together that we both dearly love. We agreed that there would be joint parenting of our kids and have several clauses in our divorce decree detailing this.
[quote"> i look back and think that the reason that i did keep in contact with him was kind of like a security blanket for me as i ventured out in life newly single[/quote">
This really struck a nerve. I don't know if that's what I am/was doing or not. I love my ex-husband. Truly! I want him to be happy. He and I can communicate effectively when things are good between us. When things are bad...communication goes out the door...along with pieces of our hearts!
There have been glimmers of hope that we might be able to rebuild what we had, but with each and every fight, that light dims a bit more (at least for me) until now it is so very hard to see. I think my Ex is finally ready to lay down what few pieces of our relationship are left and move on with his life. I don't know if that'll include the kids, but I'm quite certain, it won't include me. This grieves me because he and I are wonderful friends. I dread losing that friendship that was once filled with love.
Does it hurt? You better believe it. Will I survive? Most likely. Am I bitter? Absolutely NOT! I wouldn't trade anything for the love/memories/children that came from my marriage.
I know this sounds contradictory in many ways. How can I love this man, grieve over the loss of his friendship and still divorce him? Why not reconcile? From where I am, we are totally different people than what we were when we lived together. To make a long story short, none of the puzzle pieces if you will, seem to fit. Everything is different. To me though, that doesn't mean we can't have a good relationship in spite of it all!
So, amidst all this rambling, yes you can be friends, but you both have to want it equally. If it's not equal and amicable, it will never work. Again, FWIW...and my 2 cents!
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