Re:To choose: Your Dream or Your Lady... pauly: pluscachange
With just a hint of british irony I was just asking where you were going with your statement alas you answered it on your next post.
Re:To choose: Your Dream or Your Lady... pluscachange: [quote author=sweets6879 link=board=1;threadid=12597;start=0#msg103780 date=1117814062">
Whereiam...
Yes, you have it figured out all right. He doesn't want to zone in on the training, he has world team trials june 19th, so 2 weeks from tomorrow. And yes, we had been fighting a lot, very stupid petty things....
But the fighting was due a lot too, I dont' feel appreciated. I am a very strong, independent, successful, young, single mother....I have been doing the long distance, (he's home 2 weeks ..gone the other two) ...for 2 years....
We kept it going though, through morning wake up calls, through emails, through midnight talks on the phone....
But the month of april everything kind of changed a little...he got more into WARRIOR mode, where he's more insensitive to my needs...etc...
And all I need and ask of...is reassurance and some appreciation and affection...for crying out loud, I work...I pay for the things we do, when he was in state, he would take my car....(we got in a car accident a year or so ago , he rear ended me) so he was out of a car...takes mine...when his phone would get shut off, i would give him mine...i took care of him, in every way that I could....
Anyways, I just started getting I guess needy, in his eyes, wanted to be shown more affection, be told thank you...and not have to mention it first....wanted to be included a little more, right before he was leaving...and he wanted to spend time with the guys....
Now...why can't he train YES pluscachange..for the OLYMPICS....
and have a relationship?
He doesn't deal with stress well, and he said it's just too hard, that we have tried for 2 years and it's hard on the both of us...that right now we are going different ways and directions...
He doesn't want anything taking away from his concentration on this tournament or his career ..his sport for now...and i guess in so many words i was doing that...
Thing that kills me, is he trains fine...8 hours a day...on a full day...somedays he has off, and some days aren't live days or full days, so not as hard....
Doesn't work....got a part in a wrestling movie, so he is practicing lines but other than that...that's it....
Isn't everyday life stressful, that's what always scared me, he runs...any sign of stress...and books....
No roots!!!
(the night before he left I was stressed about my 5 year old being behind on letter recognition and writing his numbers and was like I need help...just felt like I was sinking..like I can't do this all)
I wasn't entirely happy, being 2nd best to wrestling ALWAYss.....
But I AM NOT HAPPY NOW EITHER!!!
Any advice...
[/quote">
I don't know what advice to give, his mindset is alien to me, frankly. My children are more important than any given "dream" I have or may have in the future. They come first. He has a child. Spending time in a gym or on a mat is more important to him than being a father to his own child? Wow. Like I said, completely alien to me.
And again, if it was really about training, the mention of dating others would not have come up, I think.
You shouldn't have to beg for attention, affection, consideration in a relationship sweets. Something else to consider is that as the years pass, stress can become pretty high in any given marriage. If he doesn't handle stress well, how will he react when he hits his 30's and starts getting really stressed out at his job, and at home (for whatever reason), etc, like everybody does?
I don't mean to sound like I'm in a bad mood, I'm not, but I wonder about "men" like this who put themselves ahead of their own children, let alone their loving spouse.
Re:To choose: Your Dream or Your Lady... sweets6879: pluscachange....
My son isn't his ...but let me say this. I was hesitant to let my son meet him in the beginning, yet he push and was very persistent so I did...and they fell in love with each other. I know he does love my son, and I want to believe he had to love me at some point...
It's just I guess a matter of, was it only he loved me for what I could do for him, and what he could get out of me?
The last few weeks he told me twice to not have any expectations of him?? Then I wouldn't get disappointed..
That hurt....
He just wanted me to go with the flow of things and keep my mouth shut...his remark would be..what's so wrong with going with the flow....
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Re:To choose: Your Dream or Your Lady... pluscachange: Oh, sorry, I assumed you meant it was his child.
Nevertheless, he's still abandoning a bond he formed with you and your child on a whim (sorry, even Olympic training is a whim, when it comes to deserting a family).
If he loved you for what you could do for him, but didn't want you to have any expectations, he was telling you that he wants you go give but he doesn't feel the need to reciprocate in giving. What kind of relationship is that?
He'd get along well with my wife, I think. :P
Going with the flow, well, what does that mean, in a relationship? Just let the other person do what they want and not care? I'm not sure I understand?
Re:To choose: Your Dream or Your Lady... sweets6879: Not sure I understand any of it either....
go with the flow, meaning don't talk so much ...
Or question things, or want to know where we are heading.....
I kept asking, where is this relationship going....
Cause is it going to be like this another 3 years, til 2008, Jackie just supports, travels all around the world, on her salary, with no help....from him....
You get ...get....get....
Yet don't give....
He would say, where is the relationship going...how can we talk about that, and marriage how we talked before, when we can't get along for more than a few consecutive days straight.....
I mean the arguments were so retarded....
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