Bad timing for cheating husband's family to visit ColoHill: A couple of weeks ago, my in-laws decided they were going to come to visit at the end of June or beginning of July. So, my husband just told me 5 days ago that he wants to file for a seperation. Two days after that, I found out he has been cheating on me. He doesn't want to tell anyone about the cheating, though his parents know about the possible seperation. They just keep telling him to fix himself so we can work through this and they still plan on coming. Plus, they are now talking about bringing his grandparents! This is going to be so tense and awkward. How do I not tell? I have told him that maybe their coming isn't a great idea right now. I even told his mother and sister (who is also planning on coming). I think they just expect this to all just go away. I have no idea what to do. That is a long time to just hold this all in and pretend like it is all okay. You know, after you have been cheated on, you wonder what part of your life together was truth and what was a lie. You wonder if this was the first time. You wonder if they really ever loved you at all. So, how do you wait a month and then deal with his whole family with a sime on your face like it's all okay? If anyone out there has been in something similar, please let me know what you did to get through. This all is so new, I haven't been able to think about anything or feel like I could comprehend making a plan for a month from now and still dealing with this when it is all sooooooo hard right now. Will this feeling ever go away? ???
Re:Bad timing for cheating husband's family to visit sourpuss: when were you planning to separate? is he still seeing her?
i don't think you should lie. he made his bed, let him lie in it. tell him point blank you no intention of covering up his lies to his family. why should you protect him?
can you go stay somewhere else while they are there? can you move into a spare room?
welcome to the board.
Re:Bad timing for cheating husband's family to visit ColoHill: He says he isn't seeing her any more. He says he ended it the day I found out and told him he had a choice to make. Yet, he hasn't deleted the last e-mail she sent him (how I found out) and I know he's been in his e-mail as recent as today.
There isn't a definite plan for seperation. He keeps saying he wants to work this out. He wants to save our marriage. But he keeps changing into this ugly person saying mean and awful things about me and our marriage (or the one we had). Yet, he is still talking about the land and the house he wants "us" to buy. He is still decorating this house we are in even though if we split up, we'll both have to move.
He says his fear of telling people about the cheating is how they will treat us and our relationship if we are able to patch things up. He doesn't want that to hang over our marriage like a dark cloud when we are around other people. He is afraid that like most families and friends, they will support the one they are closest to and make excuses to defend only them. And, then if things work out, they will still hold some bitterness or grudge to the other one for things they did (his cheating or why I led him to cheat--as his family would perceve it). I am still just trying to talk them out of coming all together...We'll see how far I get with that one.
Thanks for your help. I am greatful for finding this site with 3rd-party support from neutral people...
Re:Bad timing for cheating husband's family to visit sourpuss: i hate to admit it, but he has a point about telling others. although, i think it may have more to do with the fact that most people will think he's a cheating jerkwad.
if you need emotional support, tell only those closest to you, who you know will be supportive of whatever decision you make. like the friendly folks at ojar. ;D
but, truly, if you don't think you can handle the inlaws just now, try to find other places to be while they are around. give yourself all the breaks you need, and do not apologize for your feelings.
hubby knew his family was coming, and he could have called them off or waited til after they left to drop the d-bomb on you.
he could still call them off, since they know about the possible separation, he could tell them this is not not not a good time. i wonder why he doesn't?
Re:Bad timing for cheating husband's family to visit rhondam71: Wow is that pushy. Just don't stand for it. You have enough going on. Tell your H it's not gonna happen and make him deal with it. If he doesn't then call up your MIL and SIL and tell them that their precious man cheated on you, you are going through a lot and are not up to visitors and would rather figure out your marriage and life and maybe plan on a get together later in the Fall.
Good luck.
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