I am a mess today chantel: Heard from the ex today, got into a huge fight. We were sharing a vehicle and now he wants to buy a truck, a little S10 and so I expressed my concern that it is not big enough to accomodate the children for his visits and it just turned into a big fight.
Left me feeling sad and so I tried to call him to talk later about this sunday his first visit, I find out hes out for the night.
Needless to say I have spent the whole night in tears, its like that #$%^& has already moved on and is going out! Not only does he not think of life now with children he may or may not want to see, but he's already enjoying the single life, I feel so stupid being upset and all its almost like a jealous feeling, but I know Im not. Im confused and its only been a week.
I dont regret my decision to end it, it was the right thing to do it wasnt a loving relationship at all, but why cant I stop feeling so scared of being alone. Its driving me crazy, and how do you deal with the other person moving on when your gonna take a while.
Re:I am a mess today chantel: Oh no, ending it was the right thing to do. In fact I should have done it long before last week and saved my children some of the violence they witnessed.
Thats what I dont get ???, I know it was the right thing, I definately know I dont love him or want him back in my life ( other than he be a good dad to his kids) so I dont understand why the tears?
I guess I am just a baby, I met him when I was 17 and he was all I really knew, and now that its over Im so scared of the being alone part and I am absolutely terrified of what it would be like to be with someone else, and his attitude towards this was hard too, it made me realize how little he cared for me and that hurt. I guess I thought he would have been upset too.
So i dont know why I cant stop crying in a way I do and then I dont.
I find it helpfull to come here so I dont feel so alone.
Re:I am a mess today chantel: Doing better today, I realize that all these things coming to mind are unimportant and I have to agree that yes focusing on my kids is more important at this time. I wish I could think clearer some days and not get so down, this is all new to me and I dont think I was prepared for the emotional impact, but thankyou, you are you are right, I wont ever be alone, I have my babies, and they are far worth putting these silly fears I keep drumming up aside.
