Over, but not? so very sad: So it's been 6 weeks since he left. Since then, I've seen him 2x and emailed a bunch of times. He says he still loves me, misses me but needs more time. We had been together about 7 years (not married). He was accepted into a PhD program out of state and school starts in August. I was willing to move with him, but he said he wasn't sure if he wanted me to go. The problem is that his stuff is still here, when he sees me he says "you look nice" and sends playful emails. I think I am afraid to tell him to get all his stuff out and to stop contacting me b/c I think there is still a chance of things working out. He says that he should know for sure that he wants to marry me and have a family but it's would just be easier (no baggage) to be by himself. So I've been leaning heavily on girlfriends & family. but I am having a hard time accepting this and like clockwork feel like I will never find anyone that fits like he does - and that I will be alone for the rest of my years. Intellectually, I know this is not true, but I think I have not even begun to heal b/c I haven't really faced the truth about the "end". Thoughts?
Re:Over, but not? sourpuss: i am so sorry this is happening to you. my stb is pulling the same thing, and i often think it would be easier to "let go" if he'd just admit he isn't coming back.
think of yourself & your happiness.
tell him you hope he finds the answers he is looking for, but you cannot live in limbo, so he needs to pickup his stuff.
if you can stand the emails/phone calls, then you don't need to cut him off entirely, but if the limited contact is causing you more pain, then don't be afraid to tell him it's just too difficult for you to be his "friend" right now.
it leaves the door open for contact later on, if you choose to have it.
keep leaning on your family & friends, that's what they're there for.
Re:Over, but not? Samarra: Hi soverysad,
Nothing is worse than relationship limbo. I wouldn't be afraid to tell him to clear his stuff out if having it around is making you feel sad. Your feelings are important too. This need not be done in a nasty way...simply explain to him how you feel. If he needs some space (hate that word) to figure things out,sweetly say you'll be happy to give it to him...but of course...you'll need some as well. Don't let him see it's getting to you and if you think things can be salvaged then leave the door open...slightly. Continue leaning on friends and family,and while he's "figuring things out" live your life. If he sees your not wallowing maybe he'll start to realize what he might be giving up.
I know it's easier said than done...and it is painful...but if it's meant to be...he'll be back.
Re:Over, but not? so very sad: Thank you. You guys make me feel better! I will force myself to have an adult conversation about moving his stuff (too bad if you have to pay for storage for 1 month before moving). And I won't cry - sadly, I've discovered that I am a weepy type and it's so incredibly frustrating. Somehow I can come up with great insightful advice for all my gfs, but I can't seem to stay strong for myself. But thank you again, I will give it my best shot and stay on these boards.
Re:Over, but not? sourpuss: stick with us, kid, we'll all get through this.
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