God I feel SAD !!! Cowboy12: First off, I try not to put new topic's on the page as their is so much up already, but I need some help/support/advice I think...
I guess, it finally hit me tonight....I feel terrible.....it hurts so much, I guess OJAR has helped in the last few weeks, glad I found it etc. but I think I was in denial about how much hurt i am feeling right now. :(
I had a great day with my kids, took them to the park, fed the ducks, etc....it was really sunny. I dropped them back to my ex, who was dressed like a model, she had being with her NM all day.....it hurts me when the kids talk about him. I feel I am the only one feeling PAIN. she seems so happy....everyone tells me it won't last between them, but the thought that I don't want her back either, and this is for life . really hurts...I know we are not meant to project..but it kills me to only see glimpses of my kids. I am their dad. Why, when I stood by her for so many years through her drinking problems, does she do this to hurt me so much......how can she decide one day to cast me aside, for a guy who told her in January at an AA meeting that when he looked in her eye's ...she looked lonely, that was it, she fell for him, she see's him as a victim that she needs to mother...he was abused as a child...she grew up in a dsyfunctional home. Victims together.... she seems addicted to drama and chaos in her life, and it is destroying me.... and there seems no end to her pushing this knife in my heart....
I just need some words of support to keep me going...
Thanks !!
Cowboy
Today :-[ :-[ :-[
Tommorow :) :) :) :)
Re:God I feel SAD !!! slowlearner: oh cowboy - I can feel your pain from here...
I know it's hard, so very hard. There are no answers, we can expouund theory after theory but at the end of the day, we're still alone with our questions. I don't have kids, but I can imagine there would be nothing harder than not being able to live with them.
Take baby steps mate, one foot after the other, and when you fall down don't be too proud to ask for help getting back up.
I'll be in London soon, and when I get organised maybe we can have a UK/IE meetup somewhere. That might help us all to get out of our black holes and start getting it together again. There are several other UK people on here who might be interested in a meeting.
Re:God I feel SAD !!! EssieDotCom: Well I wish i could help you more, and even though my husband and I aren't yet seperated, we are having the problems that are leading to a seperation... and I feel like I'm the only one hurting here. I can express how i"m feeling about whats going on and sit here and cry and he acts like it isn't effecting him at all on the emtional levels. Which hurts me more to think "am i the only one in real pain here." Maybe she is one of those people that strives in life off striff. I didn't mean that to come out sounding weird, but some people in life are happiest when "drama" is a part of their daily life. As for me I don't think that with the issues i do have I'd want to be with anyone with issues just as bad or worse than mine, what is that going to help? Try to keep your head up and think about yourself. Okay, i know that's hard, but you're a good looking man right? Take a look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are da' man, and no matter what she says or does, try to over look it. easier said than done, but my guess would be she's playing the old "lets see how jealous I can get him to be game." maybe she takes great job in seeing you in pain, maybe if she does think this way, and you know her better than I do... but if she does, you should try and act around her like it doesn't bother you, maybe she will take a hit and lay off.
Much luck to you, i just wish I could give you more re-assurance.
God bless
Re:God I feel SAD !!! Cowboy12: thanks a lot for your support....I don't feel bad asking for help...ther is no better place I can think of than on this site......
Slowlearner.... I am in London next month...God when I think I was Da Man in that town, loved it...
I will get back on top of things ..for me and for my kids.
Thanks
Cowboy .
Re:God I feel SAD !!! sheydp: I am with you totally in the down today department - and in the will feel better later area too! I think it is ok to be down for a bit, take comfort in those who care about you (like us! ;D) to give strength to move forward. You have been a wonderful support to others, and you are doing wonderfully for yourself and kids. Things will get better, and you will eventually feel so much better for getting away from the manipulations and craziness that the drama/addiction scene produces. You will find yourself becoming more stable day by day. And days like today, when we lose stability - we lean on each other for a bit, to prepare for the next day. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Shey
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