Re:Lots of reading... some questions slowlearner: Keep in mind what result you are looking for. No contact can be done for two reasons - one to make a clean(er) break, and the other is to drive home the point that the situation is getting serious and the other person needs to make up their mind what they want to do about it.
From the tone of your post, I guess you would like to reconcile. I'd tell her in person that you need to take some time and space for yourself to work out what you want. At the moment she is having it all her own way, and this is not fair. She won't respect you if you allow her to walk all over you.
At the same time, you know she is interested in someone else, so she may just turn to him for comfort if she gets lonely. :-\
Sorry mate, there is no one answer for all people, you really have to make up your own mind what you want to do and hope she comes to her senses. It seems to me that what you're doing now, indulging her selfishness, is not working is it? It's time to try something else.
Take care, and I truly hope you are able to work it out with her.
SL
Re:Lots of reading... some questions SrABlue: Dang again Im amazed at how so many of peoples situations are similar.
I would like to think that if I give this seperation thing some time, she would realize how much I love her...I guess if she decides to stick with the other, then we wernt meant to be.
Forget them...Ill put my time and effort into making it big then smear their face in my succes! 8)
Re:Lots of reading... some questions wowee: Danny - I can understand your confusion. Be glad there are no children in the situation right now - they confuse things A LOT. But because you don't have any, you have the luxury or thinking of yourself first - something you probably haven't done in a long time. I know I haven't in years. If the contact is causing you more confusion & pain, I would say go for a short while without. It isn't helping anyone, it is rubbing salt in the wounds. I only wish I had this choice ( I do have kids & therefore he can claim the right to know how his kids are doing 24-7 & bother me day & night if he wishes. Take some time for yourself. Evaluate some important issues to you. Can you really trust her again, or will it be a case of trying so hard on your part to get past the pain & checking up on her becomes your favorite "hobby" I am all about saving a marriage - if it can be saved, but I think both you you need time alone to figure that out. I wish you the best of luck in this process. It isn't an easy one & although we are all here to help & support you through whatever decisions you make, they will have to come from you in the end. My only real word of advice, use both your heart & your head throughout the process, on their own they are quite decietful.
Re:Lots of reading... some questions ajw: Sounds like this woman needs more than therapy...sounds like she needs an exorcism.
I know it hurts but i'd have no contact with her for a while,at the moment she has no reason to stop her affair because she can still have both of you.The other guy is obviously a piece of crap who is in it basically for some ass.Just let her know that your not playing the silly little game anymore....no contact means no contact as well,not emails,txts,talking on the phone etc...it hurts like hell but in the end its for the best.It helps by the fact she cant face life with out you and will grow up pretty damn quick,or it helps in getting over her too.You deserve so much better than your getting at the moment...i mean 5 EA's in 6 years,this woman has little or no impulse control and she'll basically fall for any guy who shows her attention.Your best bet for your own sanity and for your marriage is to not put up with it anymore
Good luck
Andy
Re:Lots of reading... some questions Cowboy12: Danny,,,sorry to hear your story ... being lied to destroys the very core of our being, we feel like we are going crazy, my wife continually tells me her affair is off, when I know it's not, my kids tell me... we forfeit our power & ability to think feel act and take care of ourselves.. we lose control ...Obsession with another human being is a terrible thing to be caught up in....
All I would say is keep posting,
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