My First Post... ScorpioLady: OK... This is my first post...
I have been separated for 4 months. My STBX moved out in Feb and immediately had another girlfriend. He's the type that can never be alone. They were together about a month (during that time we were still sleeping together... wrong I know, but what can you do :-\).
They broke up, we tried to work things out. That lasted about a month and then we realized it couldn't work out. He is now together with someone else.
My STBX and I are still friends (we actually get along better now than we did when we were in a relationship). We have 2 young boys... so I see my STBX every day. I want him to be happy... I know it can't work with us (we were very unhappy during the last year of our marriage).... Why can't I get over him being with someone else???? I feel crappy because I don't want him, but it hurts to think of him with someone else.
Some days I am fine (happy for him... happy for me... I know I will find someone better for me). Other days I feel like I could cry all day long. :'(
Any advice on how to get past this? ???
Re:My First Post... Dino: If you are still feeling jealous then just try to avoid talking to him about his new partner. Don't ask about it if it bothers you.
I know when my ex left I didn't want her back but I was hurt by her being with another. I felt that she was sharing something with someone else that prior to that had been exclusively ours. Realise that he isn't yours anymore. Focus more on yourself and less on him.
Re:My First Post... ScorpioLady: Good advice... Thanks :)
I know I shouldn't talk to him about her... but it's kind of like driving by an accident scene... you know you shouldn't look but you can't help yourself.
I get frustrated because I want to be at the point where I can talk to him about her, see them together, etc. and have absolutely no cares or negative emotions about it... but I just don't know how to get to that point.
I know a big part of it is time. Of course if I had someone else it would be easier ;). I do notice I get most upset thinking about him with her when I am lonely and feeling like I will be single forever. ::)
Re:My First Post... mydarkdreams: Oh yes.. this is exactly my life right now. I don't want him but I hate thinking of him with someone else already. He is just that type too - the kind that can't be alone long.
I also, like you, feel that I'll be single forever. We should have ended LONG before we did.. and in many ways we DID end before it was official.. your story sounds almost exactly like mine. I can't help the questions etc either.
*hug*
Re:My First Post... ChristyM: It is hard to talk to the ex and not feel something when they talk about others. While my ex and I are friends and I know deep down we couldn't be married again, it still seems like I'm living in some Jerry Seinfeld bizarro world because I should be the person I'm talking to him about ... we should be together ... not him and someone else. Even after a year and a half I still have to make a conscious effort not to say "ok, I'll talk to you later, love you, bye." It's that routine stuff that's ingrained in us that makes it so hard to completely get rid of those feelings. Just the other day I was driving home after a date and thought of something funny that my ex and I had shared and before I knew it, I was crying hard. Divorce sucks.
Christy
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