not so sad little letter hudson: today I sat by the river for a little while. I watched the run-off rage by, big rapids. I had to stop the doggy from going in too far...she's no match for that current. I thought of you a lot.
there is no other but you. you owned my heart from the first glance, and now that we are divorced, nothing has changed. i'm so torn. i know you won't come back, but i can't leave you in the past. you don't belong in my past. you belong with me.
we were meant for each other...weren't we? do you still think of me? do you want to call me or see me? are you lonely without me as I am without you? or are you happy? i do really hope you're miserable so that you may see that you made a huge mistake. I'll take you back, we can start over. we can do anything.
will you ever come back? will i ever see you again? i love you.
bye
Re:sad little letter hudson: i have yet to determine in my mind and in my heart that you are not right for me. if i knew there was someone else out there that i would love the way i love you, then i could rest at ease just a bit more. if i knew that you could be replaced by someone else, i could rest my heart a lot more. but right now, you are irreplaceable.
i don't understand it. you didn't even love me that well. in fact you down right neglected me, why is this happening then? i think because i saw the progress you were making. you were learning how to love so well!
i know you will never be happy following the course that your parents have laid out for you, i know it. but i understand that you had to appease them, you had to have their approval because their approval means much more than your own approval. their ideas mean more than yours.
you're so special. i just want you to know that.
bye
Re:sad little letter sheydp: Sweetie - of course she is irreplaceable. Each and every one of us is. You can't "replace" her in your heart - you never will. She is part of you, part of your growth, part of your history. It isn't a matter of "replacing" her - but moving past that enough to love someone else without TRYING to replace her. When someone you love dies you wouldn't even dream of thinking of replacing them, right? Same thing here. You won't love as a replacement, but as a growing of your heart to include MORE... thats all - just more.
I know it is hard to let go. You didn't choose this - wouldn't have chosen this. However, you have to realize the truth of where you are NOW. Not where you wish to be, or who you wish to be with, but REALITY. Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to have the one you love not want to be with you... but that is the way it is, and wishing and dreaming won't change that. It is time... time to let go. Remember her with love, with fondness - as part of your history. Don't forget that, but recognize who YOU are - and you are the same irreplaceable person, with or without her. You have a lot to give, to your wonderful family, to your friends, and someday to a special woman, who you will love as irreplaceable too. Not as a replacement, but for themselves.
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
Shey
Re:sad little letter hudson: hey, thanks shey. i hear you loud and clear. i'm tryin' to get there, believe me. i guess the bottom line is, i haven't ruled out the small possibility that my ex and i could re-unite. she's the one i want. she's the only one i want. i don't know how to let go of her, it makes no sense to let go right now.
i feel as though i need to wait it out. i feel as that i must be absolutely, 100% certain that there stands no chance for us to ever be together.
do you think it inappropriate that i wait for my ex, at least for awhile? do you think it wrong for me to hold out at least a little hope?
i'm probably being a fool, a fool in denial, a fool who has yet to realize what happened with his marriage. i dunno.
Re:sad little letter sheydp: You have lots of questions... my answers to which don't really matter, but the answers of your heart do.
Let me say... letting go doesn't mean not loving her, if she shows an indication that she wants to come back, you can deal with that at the time... From what I have seen posted and our talks... doesn't seem like that is going to come, for whatever reason, her family, whatever. She is where she is, whether that makes sense or not. Can I ask, what would make you absolutely, 100% certain? I think she has made it as clear as she can. What will it take for you to believe? I know this all sounds harsh... because it is. Reality is harsh, and cruel, and doesn't make sense sometimes. You can wait, as long as you want. Your whole life if you want to and that is what your heart says to do. You have that choice, and it isn't one anyone can or should make for you. However, as lovingly as I can say this... it seems you are living for the fantasy, not the real woman, or your real life. Take the time to do that, by all means!!! Everyone needs a break from reality sometimes, and the dream is so beautiful... I just lost my dream, and it sucks, so I know how painful it can be to face hard stuff. Sweetie, you know I care about you, take as long as you need... but yes... I think it is waiting in vain. I'm sorry - I know this is harsh. But it is because I care that I say it, and you know that! (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Shey
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