Still in so much pain Mike: I can't find my other post so I will start over. We are still in the same house together and have been getting along fine most days. That is up until she gets a phone call from her "FRIEND" who lives in the city she is moving to. They have talked and text messaged each other for about 3hours a day. He is also, like I had mentioned earlier, lending her money to help her move. I tell her that I am not stupid and can see through it like glass but she insists that they are only friends but she does like him and they will likely date once she gets there. I noticed that she is always telling this guy not to be mad and one night when we were arguing he told her that he punched the window out of his truck. I keep telling her that these are warnings about this person and can only lead to big problems. Especially since he does not really know her. The other night she even put me on the phone with him but he was too drunk to listen and actually told me that I was the one who needed to grow up. I find that the hurt over this whole thing is almost more than I can bare! I feel so alone and unloved now! I actually took my firearms to a friends place and left them there because this feeling is becoming so powerful. Why does she not see the pain I am in. How do you move forward with a positive attitude when you are dead inside. I miss being happy and loved.
Re:Still in so much pain mydarkdreams: I can relate.. being in the same house is just NOT good. I am in the same boat there, but my ex has a "girlfriend" already. They talk on the phone etc.. they see eachother - she lives an hour away from where I live - and where he STILL lives. But I finally was able to get the strength to tell him to get his butt out. The plan is in motion but isn't done yet.. it'll be easier once she moves out - you then won't be surrounded by it every single day.
I am so sorry this is happening for you.. I know how much it sucks and how much it hurts. my ex is already telling the new girl that he loves her. Though after digging, he doesn't love her but cares about her.. which I told him is WRONG for him to say he LOVES her then if he does not. This makes me question when he told me he loved me etc.
The difference for me is that our relationship was never happy - it lasted MUCH too long.
Hang in there, it WILL get better even though it seriously sucks now.
Re:Still in so much pain teacherwriterguy: Hi Mike,
I read your post and wanted to let you know that I empathize very closely with a part of it...
Like yours, my stbx left to move somewhere else with an OM that she said was a "friend" and - of course - now that she is there, the two of them are dating. And, like you, it wasn't exactly fooling me when it happened - I used to wonder why she bothered pretending that it was platonic. Nobody moves to a whole new place to be with a platonic friend.
And, again like your story, one of the things that was hard for me was that I worried about my stbx. When she left, I did _not_ think she was going into a safe environment - I still don't think she's in one. And when you've spent years with someone, sometimes you care for their safety above and beyond any hurt that they've done you.
However, it's important to realize that you can't protect her - she's making her own choices. It's not fair to put you in a position where you feel like you have to mediate or smooth over anything regarding her and this guy. I'd have to go back and look at your original post for more details - but at this point, if she's literally flaunting the idea that she's leaving to be with someone else, she's making her own bed and she needs to lie in it. If that decision that she's going is a done deal, make it a priority to set up boundaries for yourself where you don't feel like you need to handle her new guy, or his drunkenness, or his potential red flags - she's choosing to do these things, and she will handle the consequences.
It's really hard to let go like that - I still worry about my stbx and choices that she's made, but ultimately, life only moves forward when you take care of yourself and let your partner take care of herself.
twg
Re:Still in so much pain Mike: We had also talked much about moving together to share the cost since we will be only 2 hours apart. I then got the impression that she expected me to help her pack. I said sorry, but Iam not helping you leave me for another guy. Earlier today when she was on the phone with him I loudly asked if this guy knew that we were still having sex and had done it the night before. He promptly hung up the phone in anger and now she wonders if she can move since he may very well not assist her with money. I know I shouldn't have done it, but it felt good to burn her back. It now looks that one of my friends will help me and I can move alone and the $650 expense of her moving will fall right on her, and she has about $25 to her name. HA
Re:Still in so much pain Mike: Thank you for your advice. All the posts I read here continue to give me strength. It is unpleasant but nice to see that so many others feel this terrible pain. She continues to tell me that she will always have strong feelings for me and that she insists that if my health fails again that she needs to be there to make sure that I am well cared for. Her feelings for me are still very strong and it can be seen easily somedays and she breaks down into a terrible mess. She has also told me that she hates the idea of me being with any woman but her but if I find someone that I have feelings for then I need to go for it and find out if I really love her to. She also has asked that we both keep our options open. She said that if we both find that we need one another then perhaps we can start over by dating and seeking councling. She has told me also that if I were to find that special person who I can love with all of my heart and she does not then she will have to accept her mistake and live with it. We will see though! we have only been apart (but living in the same house most days) for 10 days. Our feelings may easily switch for the worse or better in 20 or 60 days. Anywho thanks for letting me talk about this with you. It always feels better to talk about it.
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