Study Finds a 7-Year Itch, and a 4-Year One Cowboy12: By ALISHA BERGER
t is well known that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. With
that in mind, a psychology professor from Wright State University
surveyed husbands and wives once a year over the first decade of their
marriages to observe how marital quality changes over time.
The researcher, Dr. Larry A. Kurdek, found that couples often began their
unions with high levels of marital quality, but that it appeared to
decrease twice: once rather steeply over the first four years and again
after about seven. (The pattern of change was the same for both husbands
and wives.) He also reported that couples with children experienced the
steepest declines.
The research, in the September issue of the journal Development
Psychology, began with a sample of 522 couples. Participants filled out
an annual 32-item questionnaire on various aspects of marital quality.
Sample questions included these: "How satisfied are you with your
marriage?" "How affectionate is your partner?" and "To what extent do you
do things together?" The husbands' and wives' responses were compared
over time; 93 couples participated for the entire decade.
"Most marriages start off with such high levels of quality that it can
only change down," Dr.
Kurdek said. "At the start of a relationship you can overlook the fact
that he throws his socks around or that she leaves the refrigerator open.
Over time, a sense of reality sets in. You'd started off making excuses
for your partner. Then you don't. It's a natural evolution.
"The second dip is more difficult to explain," he said. "It may just be
the result of being in something for a long time. You start re-examining.
It might just be the natural curiosity -- a sort of wondering about what
else is out there."
Dr. Kurdek also examined the factors that predict the rate of change. He
looked at three major sets of predictors: divorce history, the presence
of children and personality variables. He found that couples who have
children together, not children from previous marriages, experienced the
steepest decline.
"There is ample evidence to indicate that having kids changes the overall
quality of marriage," Dr. Kurdek said. "For the most part these couples
are dealing with young kids, and they require extensive levels of
supervision. You're spending less time together as a couple, may not have
a lot of time and energy for sexual affection, and there's a lot more to
argue about.
"My own sense is that a lot of our emotional responses are based on
expectation. If you can prepare for these declines, then chances are if
you're happy over all, the level of commitment can stay high."
An expert on couples and mental health, Dr. Jerry I. Cooper, former chief
of psychiatry at York Finch General Hospital near Toronto, called the
study interesting but added:
"People have to use common sense and judgment. In marriages, the damage
is done from the beginning. Before you have children, you're going to get
a good preview of what your life is going to be like. If you're not
getting along now, later on you're not going to get along."
Re:Study Finds a 7-Year Itch, and a 4-Year One LostTeacher: this is kind of freaky, because that time frame fits my sitation.
we started dating when we were very young, and when we started university (about 4 years into the relationship) we broke up. now we only broke up for about 2 1/2 months, and then got back together, but there was a lot of things that we had to work on in that relationship to make it better.
cut to now, 7 years after that initial break-up, and look what's happening.....we were married, moved very quickly through certain stages of our life together, moved up in vehicles, houses, material things....but then......over. broken up in the exact same way as we did 7 years earlier, only this time, there was no getting back together.
interesting food for thought.
Re:Study Finds a 7-Year Itch, and a 4-Year One Cowboy12: Yeah LT, I only put it up here because, my marriage has failed at the 7th year, and the pressure of life with small kids etc. put a strain on us..
When I read the "tell your stories" from new members, it amazing to see how many peole hit this same WALL at approx. year 7.
Re:Study Finds a 7-Year Itch, and a 4-Year One jillieb44: Kids definitely put a HUGE strain on a marriage, moreso if one parent stays home and the other works, and the working one doesn't give support or encouragement and help around the house or with the kids after work (what did you do all day, the house is a wreck, and where's my dinner are NOT what you should be saying!!)
Two involved parents, and committed people can get past the inconveniences (yes, kids are wonderful but they are inconvenient, LOL) your marriage can survive. But when each partner doesn't support the other -- feelings get hurt.
BTDT
Jillie
Re:Study Finds a 7-Year Itch, and a 4-Year One MsLonely: Wow, thanks for the info. When we separated we had been married for 3.5 years but living together for 4.5.
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