Re:No sex Cowboy12: Yet again similar here, I was in a loveless marriage for the last 4 years, we had sex twice in that period, and she got pregnant both times... looking back that is what is wanted from it, she got pregnant 4 weeks after meeting her, so i should of known.
her reasons for not wanting any intimacy are probably deep roote, she has an alcohol problem, and finds it hard when now sober to share the level of intimacy.
She wouldn't even undress in front of me, or sleep in the same bed towards the end. When I asked her about it, I got the usual "lets not talk about it " line and it continued ...NO Sex . I think the issue is with your partner and what they want to do about it, if they do nothing, you have to make a decision, stay or leave.
I hope it works out for you. PM me if you want to discuss this topic more, as I have a lot of experience trying to deal with this subject .
Good luck either way.
Re:No sex sheydp: Just found this thread... I went through the same thing with my ex. What you are describing is classic depression. My ex did all the same things, including the defensiveness. His drive for EVERYTHING dropped off... He would do things at home, same place, all the time, to be mindless. Your husband needs HELP. Here's the kicker. Knowing it is depression (which he won't be able to recognize, my ex didn't until he was better) will not help unless HE is willing to get help. What happened with my ex was that eventually the depression would cause him to act out - one really bad bout of road rage and even he was scared by it. I told him then he was going to set a counseling appointment the next day or I was gone. Luckily, he did. The counselor recognized the depression immediately, but didn't put him on drugs (disappointed me, like your doctor thing I wanted things to be better NOW). It didn't take long for him to get better, though - but it was all on HIM. Truth is, I COULDN'T make him change or get better, and neither can you. The only power you have over him is your presence, and as depressed as he is, that may not be much. The power you DO have is over yourself, and how much you are willing to put up with. I say write out all the things you have here, in a non-confrontational way - heck, post it here for us to review - and tell him if he doesn't go to a counselor by himself or with you you will be gone, and give a deadline. Then follow through. Hopefully he will go to the counselor, but if he doesn't, please KNOW you tried, and you can't help him. You are doing the best for him as well as you to let him hit rock bottom. Only then will he know where he is headed. YOU, on the other hand, can live a healthy life if you choose to. The life you two share isn't healthy anymore.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Shey
Re:No sex raistlynne: I felt so many of the same things! My ex had a drive for one thing - his computer. I was so tired of it. It's hard to move on, but you might have to in order to keep your sanity and find at least a little happiness in this life.
I won't say that it will not be hard to get past all this. After the split, I missed the stbx for a long time. I don't really miss him now as much as the idea of him. The idea that he was always there, that we were married, that I'd never be alone, etc. I decided that the idea of him was not enough to keep me there. I have had moments where I was so afraid of being alone that I wanted him back more than anything in the world. But I know the life he gave me is not what I want. I wonder if these are things that you are thinking of, too.
What it boils down to is this: when you reach a point where everything has been tried and nothing has worked, you have to decide if being married (or even the idea of being married) is enough to keep you there. When you get old, will you be happy with the way you have lived your life?
Re:No sex NoEscape: Hi SoSadd. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I had something similar occur to me back about 5 years ago. I still liked to go out and do stuff with my wife and still enjoyed sex but computer time was definitely sapping my energy for other things. Sex included...
I have a baby now and I wouldnt think of letting the computer stand in the way of spending any quality time with them.
It sounds to me like your husband is addicted to videogames and/or the internet. Everquest maybe? You will have to tell me. Anyway chances are he is finding PC games and the internet as an escape to his everyday life stress. That everyday life stress probably includes you telling him(rightfully so I might add) he should take you out, or have sex with you, or stop spending all his time on the pc...etc.
He views this all as added stress and he wants to escape even more.
I would bet he maybe even views sex as a guilt-infested annoying chore. The need to perform, the awkwardness that is probably there due to inactivity.
Here is my suggestion---
Try approaching your husband for sex---blatantly if you have too. Make it very clear that you want sex. Heck stand in front of him naked if you have to or try something else equally blatant !
Dont be suddle---and dont be dejected or angry if he doesnt respond immediately--behave in a different fashion than you normally do... Most guys would find this a huge turn on. Any girl can do this...you dont have to look like Jennifer Lopez to do it....its the element of surprise that should make it exciting and interesting. Make life more interesting than his "alternate life"
Every guy wants easily obtainable no strings attached sex---try approaching it a different way.
I am not implying that any of this is your fault...its not.
I am just suggesting some things that I know would have gotten me off the computer in a heartbeat.
As far as the pc game playing is concerned...try this website and look at the messageboards. I am sure you will find many stories like yours--let him read some of those stories when you find one that hits home. http://www.olganon.org/
Good luck.
Re:No sex ChiefWiggum:
Sounds like your marriage needs help.
In my case, saying "I'm not happy because of xyz" didn't cut it. No changes... my marriage needed more drastic action.
Leave. Go away for a week or two. Don't contact him. That will make it clear: this marriage needs work. It'll be difficult for you, but it might be the only way to drive home the message.
CW
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