disappointed by lack of family support francesca: It is understandable that my immediate family (2 older sisters both married with kids and both parents alive married 30+ years) would have some pain when the youngest decides to get divorced. But what is up with my sisters making MY LIFE story their drama? It has NOTHING to do with them! They barely even called me during the initial months when I was agonizing over it! And I got excuses like, I was traveling, the kids are a handful, etc. I have a friend who is like my soulmate who has continually called me 3 or 4 x a day to make sure I am alive and breathing. Without her, I would not be here today. I tell my friend that she is more like my sister than my two REAL sisters combined. It hurts so much.
My sisters and I all live in different states, but there is NO excuse in not calling to make sure I'm okay. Even if it was "hard" for them to deal with my decision... a little support would have gone a long, long way. I'm very disappointed in them (one more than the other). My one sister even said to me that she feels I haven't tried enough to save my marriage and that I'm using this separation as a time to date around. What the heck does she know about me and what I'm doing when she never even calls me? It's all assumptions! She didn't think i was feeling pain! I told her, when your husband tells you he wants to divorce you, you no longer have any control of the situation. I also told her, you try coming home after work to an empty apartment and cooking for one and sleeping all alone. She shut up after that...said, I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. But give me a break for being so uncompassionate if that's a word.
I told my other sister in the beginning months that I need her to CALL me more. I expressed it to her b/c I had a sense that we were heading down sibling rivalry lane, which we had been on before. She did step up and call me after I told her "I would hate to look back and feel disappointed in the family for not being there for me during the biggest crisis of my existence."
But I do.
Re:disappointed by lack of family support sourpuss: try not to hate them too much. they have no experience with the unique kind of pain you are in. i can tell the people in my circle who have not been divorced, they are the ones who seem to think i should just be able to shake it off.
when you are feeling down and you want to talk to someone, call them. communication is a 2-way street and sometimes you will have to reach out. they can't read your mind.
spouses come & go, they will be your family forever.
Re:disappointed by lack of family support reck: Unfortunatly untill you have experienced the "special " pain we who live through these situations do..... you just have no comprehension.
I will go to my grave with the guilt that i didnt help my brother four years ago, the way he has helped me.....i just didnt know :(
Re:disappointed by lack of family support francesca: Reck, thanks. Don't beat yourself up re: your brother. You know what? After experiencing this, we all have so much more compassion for other people's pain and we will certainly carry that on throughout our lives. And just think, we know about hardcore pain. Doesn't it feel like you handle just about anything to come your way? It makes you much stronger.
Hi Sourpuss,
Yeah, it is a very unique kind of pain. Before this, I must have been living in a fairy tale type of world. This knocked me on my a$$ to be honest. The funny thing is I DO try to communicate with my sisters. It is a two way street, but they just don't get it. I did try to warn my sister that I needed much more support and love from her. It helped for the time being. I will not harbor any ill will toward them b/c it is not worth it. Life is too short, you know?
In the process of this turmoil, a friend blatantly didn't pay money for a trip that she promised to go on with a bunch of us. I didn't stay mad at her long. It's b/c I thought it was so petty compared to the larger things in my life. I just let it go. My other friend is still pissed off at her. But I just couldn't lose a good friend at this time.
Thanks for listening!
Re:disappointed by lack of family support Lome: I am sorry that your family has not been as supportive as you needed. I have found that even though my folks and my husbands folks have tried to help, often times they just fell short or would do/say something hurtful ( my mother in law got me a book that stated dating was allowable in God's plan)
Believe it or not, Ojar has been very supportive.
I have had many "friends" offer to "hook me up" with dates and the like...not listen to me or just have a social dinner....
only those who have experience this pain understands it.
Right now you have so much drama in your life...pick what will allow to affect you...seek positive only..life has too many negatives
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