Another Visit From Wife rjack0612: My wife stopped by the house on Friday again. After a long talk here is the update. She states that she never said she wanted a divorce. I was the one who brought up that topic. Not true, she told me back in Feb (after I caught her the first time with her friend) that she was miserable nd unhappy, denied an affair, refused counselling and stated she had no interest in trying to work things out. What does that say to you?
She then went on an on how she does not know what she wants. She needs time to "fix" herself. She needs time to heal. She AGAIN denied she had/is having an affair. He is JUST a friend.
I told her in no unceratin terms that it is SELFISH to expect me to just put MY life on old and wait until she decides if she (a) is in love with me (b) wants to be with me (c) wants to try and work things out. In addition, I tld her if we do wind up trying to work things out she will NEVER see, call, email her friend ever again. She told me that I CANNOT tell her who she can be friends with. She has been friends (also former/current lover) for over 30 years. I told her true, but I can determine who you are going to be married to (ME) and if you want me and If I want you again this guy will be TOTALLY out of the picture. This is NON-NEGIOTIABLE!! I think for the first time she actually took me seriously. Non like a love struck lap dog.
She then asked where I was going all dressed up. I told her I had plans. With who she I asked. I responded a "friend" and got in my car and left. I have not heard from her since.
I don't know what the heck the motive is on her part.
Re:Another Visit From Wife ajw: Good for you.....she's the one who turned this long time "friend" into a threat to your marriage,so your totally within your rights to tell her what you did.
I think she's beginning to realise your not going to put up with her crap anymore.....unfortunately that does'nt mean that she's going to coming running back into your arms,but it does mean you've progressed to the point where you've realised you deserve a lot better than she's giving you.I hope this wakes her up.
good luck
Andy
Re:Another Visit From Wife rjack0612: I think what is happenning is that she is now realizing (just like I told her it would) that the problems we had in our marriage COULD have been fixed. Plus, I truly believe she is having a MID-LIFE CRISIS plus she has discovered that she is co-dependent. However, now I (WE) have a bigger issue TRUST. Like I said for me it is not the sex with this guy that bothered me the most. It was the LIES, the betrayal of trust. How the heck can that damage be repaired? I would be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life. That's not fair to me. I can't nor do I want to put ther in a cage. That is not fair to her. I don't think she understands what she has done. I don't know if she wants to "come running back into my arms." I also don't know if I would take her back. I really don't. When this first started yes, but now that I have taken the time to reflect, I don't know if this can be fixed or even if I want it to be. Yes, I love her. I just don't trust her anymore. That is sad.
Re:Another Visit From Wife ajw: Yeah trust is the big one,i told my ex i could get over her sleeping with other guys it was the constant lying that f**ked the relationship.When it came down to it she asked did i have any feelings for her,and i said yes i did,the problem was the feeling i had for her was disgust,not the kind of feeling you want to have for the woman you planned to spend the rest of your life with.
Anyway rjack,you sound much stronger and in a much better place than when you first posted,keep working at it cause its a constant battle
good luck
Andy
Re:Another Visit From Wife rjack0612: Just trying to get through each day. Some are good and some are bad. Like we both said, the hard part is the trust issue. For a long time I wanted nothing more than to get back with her. Now, I see that doing that may just produce MORE heartache and not the relief from this pain that I WAS seeking. The time and space SHE requested has actually benefitted me more than her. It seems lke HER doubts are increasing while mine are diminishing. Funny how things work out....
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