update....... jujubee: ok here goes: well wed was his birthday which i agreed to be w/him on. that was really awkward. i wasn't sure how to act or what to say and he was the same. he had made a couple of comments which almost started some fights but i cooled the embers before it got outta hand. we had agreed before that on his birthday we wouldn't discuss us or the situation. oh well we tried. when it was time for me to leave it was really weird. he hugged me and it almost felt like he wasn't going to let go. i cried all the way to where i'm staying now but only because i felt bad for him and our situation. then things started to get really crazy. thurs(dinner&girl talk)and fri(movie) i hung out w/a friend of mine(female) then sat. was her birthday. my husband and i agreed to talk once a day if he needed to but he's becoming unbearable. if i don't answer my phone right away he keeps calling til i do. he accused me of going out every night as if i'm just running amuck and spreading my wild oats. i'm am not and never have been that kind of person. when ever we talk it turns into an argument. he wants to know what i'm doing and with who. he obviously doesn't trust me and now it's clear to me that my feelings of him being controlling before were valid because he still doing it. the more we talk the more i am reassured of my decision. i stopped by the house after work yesterday(he was at work) and it felt really strange. i mean i know that it's my house too and my stuff is there but it didn't feel the way it used to it's not HOME. i'm supposed to spend the weekend at our house because he's having surgery and wants me there with him. i'm nervous about how it's going to be. but here's a question i have for those who have gone through separation before: how much contact should we have? should we try to go w/out talking for alittle while? any help would be appreciated. ugh!
Re:update....... sourpuss: it is difficult to "uncouple".
as hard (and guilt-inducing) as it will be, you will need to pull back and not fill the role you have had in his life during your relationship. You may find it easier for you to go cold-turkey and simply stop seeing him.
just know that there is no way of doing this that won't be painful for him, if he's not the one who wanted out, but you do him no favours by letting him cling to a dead relationship.
Re:update....... jujubee: i've thought about telling him that. i just get so heartbroken when i see how much he's hurting. also it's hard for me as weird as this sounds not to take care of him. you're right i do need to tell him we need more space than what we've been doing. thank you for listening. this website and all of you have helped me so much. :)
