Does divorce from a spouse mean divorce from the family? microtech1: So I have a question for everyone. Just because you divorce a spouse does that mean you have to divorce the family as well???
A little background for those who don't know my story. I was married for about four years. My stbxw left me for OM and left a trail of lies about it a mile long. Anyway all throughout this process I have talked to several members of her family and have been told that they would like to continue having me as part of their lives. Due to circumstances I have been busy trying to pick up the pieces and proceed with my life. However, I have made it a point to at least call on those important occassions to let them know I still care about them.
I called my father-in-law yesterday to say happy father's day just to be berated by my stbxw that I should not call her family anymore. I asked why and was told that they are my ex family and they are not apart of my life anymore. I don't agree with this as I still feel that they are family to me as much as they ever were. They didn't do anything to me and I still love them with all my heart.
Is this wrong should I abandon them just because it makes her feel uncomfortable? I ask my father-in-law and all he could say was it was not fair of her to ask that. I just wanted to get opinions from others on this.
Does she have the right to take them from me and me from them? I think by them not hating me the way she does it reminds her that I am not the bad guy she has made me out to be in her mind. I'm just rambling now so I will let you all weigh in on this. ???
Re:Does divorce from a spouse mean divorce from the family? sourpuss: how does her family feel? do they want to end your relationship to keep the peace, or do they think she should just shut her trap?
i am trying to maintain relationships with my stb former inlaws. it is awkard & painful sometimes, but they seem to want to see me. time will tell, i guess. we may simply grow apart, we may be friends forever.
but it's up to you & them, not her. she should just grow the heck up.
Re:Does divorce from a spouse mean divorce from the family? AmyMarie1972: Hi,
No she does not have the right to take them away from you but you have got to be careful.
My ex's family were my family too and I continued to talk to them when he left, however he did not like that and began feeding them lies about me, about how terrible a person I was, and what a bad mother I was, and the conversations that I had with them all stopped. That hurt that they could believe that I was that sort of a person after they had known me for 13 years.
If your ex's family are ok with keeping in contact with you then dont listen to what your ex tells you.
Take care
Amy
Re:Does divorce from a spouse mean divorce from the family? Blueyes424: Just my opinion............I tried staying in contact with my ex's family, and for the most part it was okay....BUT, I really think that it stopped me from being able to heal and move on. I loved my ex's family like you wouldn't believe, and his one brother in law and I would talk like once or twice a week. But like I said, I really think that it impaired me from being able to get over my ex and the crap he pulled with me.
Thus, I have discontinued contact with them for now, and who knows, maybe in a year or so when I feel better about things, and maybe once I am in a relationship with someone else, I'll be able to call my ex brother in law and have a good chat with him. But honestly, I doubt that I will. It just drags up old feelings and emotions about my ex, and I want that to end.
That's just my 2 cents.........for what it's worth!
Re:Does divorce from a spouse mean divorce from the family? microtech1: at this point they still want to see me and talk to me. I know she has already started venting about me to her family but everytime I talk to them they still say that it is between me and her. In the end even if she does that to the point that they stop talking to me I will be fine with that because I know those lies are not true. She can say all she wants I know that I am a good guy and that is all that matters.
As far as healing I understand where you are coming from on that. When this first happened I thought the only way to heal was to cut contact off between me and them. As time went on though I realized that people who truely care about you are hard to come by and I am not willing to give them up. I can seperate them from her because they don't talk about her to me and I don't talk to them about her. So for now they are a blessing not a hinderance.
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