New member, my story eleysia: This is my first post and I am so glad I found this forum! I hope I don't get too long-winded....
I am a 28 year old woman. Been married for 4.5 years, together 7. For the last year things have just changed. We got along so well because we were both home-bodies. We would stay at home, watch movies, hang out, cook, etc. Well about a year ago he started up a website and it has taken up so much of his time and completely changed him. Now he is going out much more than he used to, has a whole new group of friends and I feel like he has become someone else to me.
No more romance or sparks between us. I love him dearly but I don't feel like I am in love with him anymore. We work opposite shifts so sometimes I don't see him more than 30 minutes a day. The sad thing is that I feel so ambivalent about it. I don't miss him or even really enjoy being around him like I used to. I don't see him in the same way or feel the same about him when I see him. (does that make sense?) He is so oblivious that he thinks everything is just fine even though we haven't had sex in a month. So basically we live separate lives under the same roof. I know I need to have a serious discussion with him and need advice on how to do this. Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple becuase I am so afraid to admit to anyone that my marriage is in such trouble. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!!!
Re:New member, my story eleysia: Well, since I am sitting here doing nothing I'l tell you a little more about my situation. When he and I got together he had goals, wanted to finish his degree, blah, blah, blah. Well none of that happened, He makes about half as much as I do and I admit that i resent him for that sometimes. We have a very nice home (which I paid the down payment on) and I work overtime to make sure we have nice things. He has never had a problem paying his fair share but he never has enough for savings. Last year he told me flat out he is never going back to school. I was really disappointed because he is such a smart guy. I feel like our goals and ethics are totally different. Here I am working sometimes 50 hours a week or more and he is messing with his website crap and going out to clubs with friends. Of course he doesn't see it that way.
Re:New member, my story kittenpants: I am sorry things have been so frustrating for you. I don't really have any great advice, but I read this book that had a whole section that I think might be applicable to you. Its called "Not Your Mother's Divorce" and it is specifically written for women in their late twenties, early thirties who are educated and have no kids. You might check it out.
Good luck!!
Re:New member, my story sourpuss: it sounds like the 2 of you are going to different directions here. you have to ask yourself where you see this in 5 years, 10 years, etc.
what is really the problem here? is it that you think he lacks ambition? do you feel overburdened? like you're the grownup and he's a spoiled child? do you feel ignored in favour of the "new friends"?
what could he do to make you happier? what could YOU do to make you happier?
i suspect that being miffed about his not finishing a degree & making more money is a symptom, not the actual problem.
think about what you want, both out of the marriage & out of your life. then, sit him down and tell him. he may not realize how you feel. you may be surprised at how he feels, too.
Re:New member, my story eleysia: Thanks for the replies. I have sat down and talked with him about how I feel about our lack of communication, finances and how I feel ingnored. He reassures me and tells me he loves me and then the next day things go right back to the way they were. What really got to me was that we actually went out together to eat last week (for the first time in months) and we just sat there. We didn't have anything to talk about. It was like a lightbulb went off and I almost started crying right there. I've even told him that I look forward to going to work because at least I get to talk to someone when I am there. My family is in love with him and considers him part of the family. I actually think they might take his side if/when we do break up. He really is a wonderful guy, just not a wonderful husband.
Click More for the next page.
