Re:New member, my story sourpuss: it sounds like the 2 of you are going to different directions here. you have to ask yourself where you see this in 5 years, 10 years, etc.
what is really the problem here? is it that you think he lacks ambition? do you feel overburdened? like you're the grownup and he's a spoiled child? do you feel ignored in favour of the "new friends"?
what could he do to make you happier? what could YOU do to make you happier?
i suspect that being miffed about his not finishing a degree & making more money is a symptom, not the actual problem.
think about what you want, both out of the marriage & out of your life. then, sit him down and tell him. he may not realize how you feel. you may be surprised at how he feels, too.
Re:New member, my story eleysia: Thanks for the replies. I have sat down and talked with him about how I feel about our lack of communication, finances and how I feel ingnored. He reassures me and tells me he loves me and then the next day things go right back to the way they were. What really got to me was that we actually went out together to eat last week (for the first time in months) and we just sat there. We didn't have anything to talk about. It was like a lightbulb went off and I almost started crying right there. I've even told him that I look forward to going to work because at least I get to talk to someone when I am there. My family is in love with him and considers him part of the family. I actually think they might take his side if/when we do break up. He really is a wonderful guy, just not a wonderful husband.
Re:New member, my story jillieb44: Thanks for sharing your story. I think you may have hit on something in my own failed relationship. That when I stayed home to raise the kids and no longer contributed FINANCIALLY to the house, that my husband resented me on some level, despite the fact that I managed to save my business instead of going bankrupt during this time, AND raised the kids (and my son was one tough baby, let me tell you!) That and the fact that I'd gained a lot of weight from the stress of it all. <light bulb moment> Not that my ex would admit to any of that.
What made you fall in love with this man in the first place? Is any of that still there? Can you rekindle the flames? I know the feeling of being roommates; the ex and I were there. I was home with the kids; he was the one working, and he's the one that needed to 'relax'on the weekends and unfortunately that didn't usually include me and the kids, just him. And I got burned out (as anyone who stays home with kids will attest to -- it's HARD WORK!!)
No real solutions for you. But as a start, you need to look deep inside yourself for answers to your questions. You can decide if you want to save your marriage or not. I don't think divorce just because your marriage got stale is the answer. Have a heart-to-heart with your husband and go from there.
Jillie
Re:New member, my story jillieb44: Oh, I just saw that you had talked to your husband. Maybe it's time for a 'we need to talk again because I need things to change.'
That, and read Dr. Phil's relationship rescue. There are things in there that you can do for YOU, ways to change your treatment of your husband (even if you decide that his behavior needs changing, you can't change him, you can only change how you react to him), and he has some tips for rekindling the spark as well.
Somedays it seems easier just to cut all ties and start over. But it's not that easy at all.
Jillie
Re:New member, my story eleysia: Thanks jillie.....alot of what you said really makes sense. I might have to go get that dr.phil book even though he can bug the crap out of me sometimes ;D
I am just so tired of being sad all the time. I think what makes me even more sad is that he can't pick up on it. I know men can be clueless sometimes but come on!! He can literally come home from work talk to me for about 5 minutes then he'll say "I have some web stuff to do, I'll be back down later." Four hours passes and then I head upstairs, say goodnight and go to sleep. how does he NOT see a problem with that?? It makes me feel so frustrated. The computer thing has been a problem for a long time and he knows how I feel about but doesn't do anything to change it. I don't know what else to do ???
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