So I told her I was talking to someone... Tarheel: The soon to be ex came over last night to see our daughter, and admittedly, I wasn't in the mood to see her. I didn't make much conversation, but was kind and polite when I did. Then my lawyer called, informing me that she, in fact, did NOT sign my counter proposal for a settlement offer, rather making a lot of cosmetic changes that I thought were more or less understood under a joint custdoy agreement. So that irritated me some more. And then she asks me, "What's the matter?"
I told her I was just dealing with some things, that it was nothing to do with her. And she keeps poking and prodding, looking to get anything out of me. And finally, I told her, "I've kinda been talking to someone. I like her a lot. And it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable around you." Because, for the first time in four years, SHE is not the primary woman on my mind, and it's different. And she says, "Why did you tell me that?" At this point, I flipped and yelled back, "BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO!" And she breaks down right on the spot. Jumps up and runs to the bathroom crying her eyes out. This, a week after she told me that she "wanted to see me on Father's Day," but was too busy running around with her boyfriend in Atlanta for the weekend.
What the hell do I owe her? Am I supposed to just sit around until she gets rid of her chump change boyfriend? I'm not allowed to move on? She can spend the weekend in Atlanta with another guy, but I can't talk to another woman on the phone? What the hell is this, anyway?
I told her that even though I really like this girl, I didn't know exactly how it was gonna work. That she would be going to law school in Jacksonville in a couple of months. (The only specific thing I mentioned about her.) And the ex takes offense, "Oh, so you're dating someone smarter than me? ... You know that's the best thing about being with him; is that I'm the smart one." Told me, "Fine, just go off and marry her and let her be Savannah's mom!" I've done nothing but talk to her on the phone a few times, and now the ex is tossing marriage out there. So I just naturally respond with, "From talking on the phone to marriage? That's a bit of a stretch, ain't it? ... But hell, it's not like marriage actually MEANS anything, right?" And I just walked away.
Confessed to me last night that she was "stupid" for leaving me, on BOTH occasions. But still has NOT apologized for cheating on me and flushing our marriage down the toilet. I really wish she would straighten her life out, but I told her she'll never be able to do that by straddling the fence, and after she turned down my reconciliation plan, that she's gonna have to do it without me.
UGH...!
Re:So I told her I was talking to someone... ChristyM: I'm sorry you're going through this TH. It's funny how many of our exes did the same thing. They don't really know if they want you but they sure as h*ll don't want anyone else to have you. They hate it when they realize they are no longer the center of your world. Just be careful b/c as this relationship (or any other for that matter) progresses, she might start upping the ante and making more noise about reconciliation. Just make sure you see everything for what it really is.
Hang in there.
Christy
Re:So I told her I was talking to someone... jimloveless: maybe i'll just stay single. i could do without another soap opera.
good luck, tarheel.
Re:So I told her I was talking to someone... OldSchool: Tarheel,
Were you just trying to get a rise out of her by telling her that you liked someone else. I could see your point as I'd be peeved in your situation also. If you think that she's still on the fence and you have a slim chance of reconciliation then I don't know what the right approach would be. I guess you just know if it's going to work out or not. It does seem like she's playing games by not just signing off on the agreement.
In the meantime, you have to do what you need to get through this. There is no wrong or right way, but just try to keep your wits about you.
my best,
OS
Re:So I told her I was talking to someone... links9814: Why is it that the cheater always have such a hard time saying sorry. They know they are at fault, but they just can't seem to apologize. How about, "sorry for destroying our marriage, I should thought about you and the child before I did something stupid." Wish my wife had said that, not that it would have mattered.
Tarheel, you don't owe her anything. She doesnt seem to care about your feelings, why should you bend over backwards for her.
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