Re:Marriage Strike AloneandCold: Phyxius would you happen to know where they got their statistics? Having just taken a math class where we were talking about statistics in studies and why most of them are wrong I was just curious how they came up with their numbers.
I like to think there are a lot more woman like me out there. I left my husband and after years of putting up with a lot of things (too long of a story to put here) I filed the papers. Not only did I not rake him over the coals, I went out of my way to help him. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody, I set up the schedule so that my children will never go more then two days without seeing their dad. They have exactly equal time between the two of us. I went out of my way to figure out a way for him NOT to pay child support. He makes about three times as much as I do but for all that he does not make enough to just give me money and live too. I am getting food stamps while I finish my schooling and they wanted 330 in child support out of him. I refused to put that in my paper work and did the paper work as such that he ended up with 0 in child support. I actually had my food stamps docked for a few months because of this. I would love to move to Oregon but will not because I will not take my children from their dad or vice versa. When he was going to move to Colorado to be with his GF I was full willing to pack up and move to a nearby city, changing schools and all, so that the kids would be by him. I have and will continue to jump through hoops so that my children will have a complete family even though their dad and I will never be together. If I have to tighten my belt a little bit so that he has enough money to take care of them when he has them (He does not know how to be responsible with money so he needs enough lee way to have some spending money) I will. You may say well he will just learn to do with less, no he won't I was married to him for 8 years I know, my kids would do without and that I will not have. So just remember it doesn't always end that way, sometimes the woman get the short end, and sometimes it is of her choice.
Re:Marriage Strike Phyxius: [quote"> [color=red"> It disheartens me to realize that men are disillusioned by marriage. It disheartens me to realize that women are disillusioned by marriage. It disheartens me to know that divorce sucks no matter what side of it you are on.[/color"> [/quote">
Nicely put... ;)
Re:Marriage Strike jillieb44: What's also disheartening are some of the ads to the right of the boards, one in particular for men to tell them how to liquidate/hide their assets all PRIOR to filing for divorce, or before mentioning the word divorce to their wives, and the fact that it's all geared for MEN ONLY.
And I can guarantee that my ex would have used one if he'd known about it beforehand.
I'm not trying to rake my ex over the coals. I left him the entire house and its contents. I took the kids and a few antiques that *I* bought that he'd always hated. And I took the dog.
All I want is 50% of the house and what the judge says for child support. No alimony, nada. And you have no idea just how many stocks and stuff he's been selling and spending the last several years that I knew nothing about.
Jillie
Re:Marriage Strike timetobefree: [quote author=Phyxius link=board=20;threadid=13563;start=15#msg114420 date=1119556142">
Nicely put... ;)
[/quote">
Thanks! I really mean it. We can all spew statistics all day long, but they do nothing to lessen the pain of what each of us is going through. They don't mean anything to the person struggling to make ends meet, to see their children regularly, to live a normal life again. Regardless of whether your situation fits the statistics or is an anomaly, it still sucks and hurts and makes you question everything you once knew to be true.
jillieb, I admire your doing what it takes to make a good life for your children. Like I said above, the statistics don't apply in every case. I know they didn't in mine. Keep holding your head high...you are doing great! ;D
One last parting thought...typically, rules/laws come into existence because they apply to the majority of situations. But with any law, we can all apply to flaws, cases where they don't work, etc. Which sucks. Especially to those who fall through the cracks. For example, I got laid off after 9/11. I made pretty decent money and have an MBA. In order to keep getting my unemployment (which was about 1/10 or so of my normal pay), I had to go to computer classes to learn how to type, use Microsoft Office, etc. Guess what? I was a computer consultant before I got laid off. I designed and built on-line training EXACTLY like the stinkin' classes I had to take! But those were the rules. Rules and laws are little consolation to those who they don't help or actually hurt.
Be sure to write/call your representatives at every level. Let them know where they are failing men, women, and children. One voice is not as powerful as the many voices we have here.
Take care,
Amy
Re:Marriage Strike Runehawk: Phyxius: Howabout a f*ckin' AMEN, brother!
So much of your quoted article parallels my own experience: I waited until my mid-30's to marry, and eight years later I find myself a divorced dad, against my will and against my efforts. The stbx literally counted on 'no fault' and calculated the courts to force me to support her at an emanently unfair rate, regardless of my survival ($1750/mo w. 1 5yr old child, while my mortgage runs a mere $800. Needless to say, I'm drowning in overextended debt; easily exceeding and overcoming my current income at $12/hr.).
She's literally slavering at the mouth at the thought of selling my home; its mentioned at every oppotunity, despite my resistance and reluctance. I've lost my job, but that hasn't stopped the PA courts from setting my determined worth to be at a mere $89k (my salary three years ago in NYC). I've already redirected one mortgage payment to the courts in order to keep my sorry ass from being jailed, taking me yet another step closer to foreclosure and bankruptcy. She, on the other paw, has taken our savings, retirement, and the whole of her wholly-owned stocks and bonds to pad her comfortable lifestyle, while I'm eating oatmeal for dinner in an empty, unlit house.
Guaranteed: I am now as hostile to the very concept and consequences of marriage as the NAACP is hostile to the Klan.
Many many MANY thanks for your article (can you provide a hyperlink to the source?); I've not only printed a whole copy to post on my own bulletin board, but you can be assured that copies will be distributed to ALL my male friends... you have done us a GREAT service here! - r
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