Re: vendictive ex wife making threats and demands dreamerpoet: AMB I have also seen a step-parent get custody of their step kids after a divorce because they were the BEST choice. And I have to disagree when I marry if I marry someone with kids thoes kids will be every bit as much mine as his. I expect someone to love my kids as much as they love me or it is NOT going to happen.
Re: vendictive ex wife making threats and demands ChristyM: This is a tough one and I think semantics might be getting in the way. The term punishment does not infer physical contact. I "punish" my thirteen year old when she is disrespectful by grounding her, taking away privileges, etc. I do not spank her. As a mom, I would fully expect any woman her father married to also "punish" her (again, without physical contact) and with her dad's approval. It's naive of me to assume my teenager will go into a new situation and not rebel at some point and "test" the new woman in the situation. I would also expect my ex to step up to the plate and reiterate the rules of their household. All of this is in a perfect world and there are obviously extenuating circumstances. I know when my ex and I separated and I had primary custody, my daughter definitely tested the rules and boundaries and I had to call my ex to come over so we could sit down with her and illustrate we were still a united front when it came to parenting. Once she saw this she realized it was futile to try and play one against the other. It's the same premise with stepparents. HOWEVER, I also think it's important to not lose sight of the fact if the child is acting out like this there are underlying reasons that need to be addressed, and soon. This poor child feels like he doesn't know what's acceptable and what's not. He wants boundaries and rules and instead, he's being used as a pawn. It's unfortunate when parents can't look past their own anger and bitterness for the sake of the child. I feel sorry for you momof5fl. I'm sure it creates a lot of tension in your house with your fiancee and with your own kids. I hope the situation gets better for all of you.
Christy
Re: vendictive ex wife making threats and demands in_search_of: I have to back MelGirl here, because in some states stepparents do have legal rights to kids, for example here, the state has granted stepparents the right to have visitation with their stepchildren in a divorce even if both bio mom and dad are in the picture. (1 week from the bar here, so I suppose I better damn well know...)
And I was a social worker, and did remove children from homes because step parents were abusive, however, the rules are just the same as with parents. I am not going to pull a kid just because the stepparent punished the child, either physically, or by other means of punishment. Though, I would go and ask for a court ordered counselling session if there was greatly disparate treatment of the biological children and step children in the home...
