Re:wife leaves to stay with her folks....bulimia exhaulted: You guys are awesome. Best advice i have heard all these 5 weeks.
I am off to therapy in a short while for myself.
We started communicating last week. Also, I have opted to not check her VM, Email or mail because it does more harm than good.
I think that the marital problems are seperate from her eating disorder but they do play with one another.
Thanks so much for your help. It is so nice to hear some one say something other than DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE!
So far she has said this: Her last email from yesterday:
"I do miss talking to you and don't want our future joint therapy to be awkward at all. I have to take care of my personal therapy for a little bit then I can give you a more definite time frame for our joint therapy. My intention is not to drag this process on and have us both move on with our lives as soon as possible without rushing or making any haste decisons.
It was the hardest decision of my life to move out and be away from you. I wanted to be able to think clearly away from being a wife in our home. I know this process has hurt and confused many, and trust me, I do get s***t from family members. I have to remember though that I have to live my life for myself and not to please others.
I am so used to cooking, cleaning, eating and sleeping by myself that I feel that none of my lifestyle has really changed. most nights I just go to my room, listen to music and go to sleep. I have more time now to concentrate on myself. I do not miss the negative comments about what I cook, when I cook, what I eat. when I eat, How I look, how I dress, how much I spend, how much I save or how much I weigh"
I feel there is hope. We are communicating and she is telling me whats up. Perhaps we can work this out.
I don't want to start calling or anything yet. I plan on responding to this later via email. I do miss her and love her dearly though
The ring not being on does strike me as odd. My guess is she is giving the greenlight to men to validate her. But again, i am speculating. And as a male from a broken home who has abandonment issues its hard not to think that.
ill check back later today. Thanks for being so kind.
Re:wife leaves to stay with her folks....bulimia sourpuss: anytime. i can't speak for everyone here, but i know i'd like to see a happy ending somewhere.
hang in there, i'm pulling for ya.
Re:wife leaves to stay with her folks....bulimia exhaulted: HI guys,
Well, i am going to reply to this email tomorrow. And its going to be purely reflective. I initiated the dialogue for us and was very matter of fact. No i miss yous or love yous.
Now, with what i have posted, you can see that she is opening up. Its a step in the right direction and she does mention that she misses talking to me. A positive sign obviously.
And you are correct Crush, the outside validation is purely for her ego. I understand that need because i have lived with her so long. Mind you guys, we have always had a strong commitment. No instances of infidelity or anything bad like that. I think this is more of a " i have felt igonred by u for sol ong becuase you worked so hard and left me out of it, and now i need to feel needed again or validated." Truth is, she and i never worked out our roles in the marriage.
Now my head does spin a little, i am not keen on her not wearing her ring but my therapist said who knows what she is thinking. Stop speculating. Still, it does not feel good. Its a green light to any man and she is very attractive. It hurts.
She right now feels that i am the bad guy and feels that i have reduced her to a dimished role in our household. She was the one who wanted kids and i said ok lets wait a year and raise some money. Time comes for a child and all these issues rear their head. Her fears and wants for everything to be perfect brouight these to a head.
I'm in alot of pain and trying to cope with all this. I have so much resentment now that i dont know how we will ever get to marriage counseling.
Re:wife leaves to stay with her folks....bulimia loshyra: >:( Crush.....YOU BETTER MAKE IT AND GO TO IT OR I WILL BE AT YOUR DESK BEFORE YOU COULD COUNT TO 2. Of course you know that I am here for you.
Exhulted...
I have been reading over the replies to and from you. And I must say that 1- You are among good people that truely care for you and your situation. 2- You seem to have your head on straight and know what needs to be done to help save your marriage. And 3- Be there for her, during both her own counselling sessions and during the marriage counselling. It can only help her realize how much you obviously love her.
~D
Re:wife leaves to stay with her folks....bulimia exhaulted: Well.....
Sent a kind email and was not mushy at all.
I responded to her and told her that i am hopeful we can work this through and to be in touch.
I can't say i feel really good right now. I am trying my best to work here at the office and i can't help but feel things like how her therapy went last night, if she is alright, if she will respond to my email etc....
i know that i am on an emotional roller coaster. I have read posts on here and it sounds like spouses who are leaving give pretty clear cut answers like " i am not in love with you" , cheating or something else.
My situation feels different. I am pretty certain its not another guy, thats clear from her email. And i know it is a good thing that she is responding to me and opening up so much. But, I feel so helpless at times and want to rush the process along.
She is taking the steps needed but at the same time does things that i hear that hurt me: going to parties, seeing friends, and just vacationing. While i work my butt off and come home to an empty house. It is so brutal. My mom comes over alot and has stayed a few nights here while i weep. It has been that bad.
Recently, I began taking Prozac to help with the depression. I have never taken an Anti-d before but it seems to be helping ( day 4 here). Also, Zanax helps me sleep. I figure anything that will help me get through this.
My mentality right now is to wait it out. I have to focus on myself and not get to down about it ( thats sooo damn hard).
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