1 step forward and 2 steps back fiz: Anyone feel like this is whats happening to them when they are trying to save a relationship? Its so depressing when you think things are going well and then something goes terribly wrong. Its even worse when you know you caused that thing to go wrong. I did this today with my exgf. I feel so shitty about it now and I will probably have a hard time sleeping in a few minutes when I go to lay down. I let my emotions get the best of me again and We fought and made up then fought again on the instant messenger. It seems talking about us when she still thinks there cant be an us anymore is not a good idea. Its REALLY not a good idea to keep pressing about it. I think I took 200 steps back tonite and I'm afraid I have made even more damage. Making her resent me even more.
I am putting it in my head to not be that way anymore. To give her more then her space and let her experience this "wonderfull" single life she wants so bad. Maybe eventually she will realize she misses me and MAYBE must maybe she will be willing to try and fix things with me. We both take 50% of the blame but only I am currently trying to repair our relationship.
Im just trying to get other poeples input on if they have done the same things or if I'm alone in the messups :-\
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back links9814: Just keep your head up fiz and hope everything will work out for the best. We have all messed up at one time or another, I did just yesterday. All i can do is hope things get better.
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back OldSchool: fiz,
Yes, what you say can definitely make things harder to deal with esp. if you want it to work out in the long run. I'm not sure your situation right now, but don't beat yourself up either. Dang, it's really hard... and I mean really hard to know what it is you want and to find it. If she means that much to you then let go of your grasp a little bit, k? It's not like you won't ever talk with her again, but if you don't loosen up you will lose her.
So saying that, yes I've been the one to mess things up... yes I have put my foot in my mouth several times. The one thing that only you know is how honest you are with yourself in what you want from her, the relationship and yourself, most importantly. We will continue to make mistakes, say stupid sh!t, and then reconcile. Whether it's with her or not, just don't beat yourself up, man. Be good.
OS
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back Thinkin: OldSchool, you always know how to put it just as it is. Fiz, I totally agree with oldschool here and I am and was in the same boat. You gotta realize what "you" really want out of this and how you would want it to work out. In the beginning I would have done anything to make it work but now that I have given her the space and stuck with the no contact rule. I've realized I don't think I want the women she has turned into. I know I don't want to worry about being marred to a cheater the rest of my life.
But that's just me and my story, I don’t really know your background either so I’m just saying from what I’m dealing with. Nobody can answer that question of what you should want but you, just hang in there and it will get easier and the big picture will become clearer.
Take care,
Thinkin
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back OldSchool: Nobody here, I'd like to think wants to spend their lives alone and it's that very fear that sometimes pushes us in the wrong direction. Holding on to something that isn't fully there could squeeze the very life that may just need time to blossom. But, and this is a huge BUT if it doesn't work out then you know that you did your best and tried to be the best person to yourself in the meantime. I surely don't like to feel sad, hurt and depressed and those feelings that go along when a relationship goes thru the valleys.
I'm sure you'd rather have quality than quantity... and the quantity would be the constant IMs that lead to fights... but, that's just something I've learned through my own mistakes.
Thinkin, we seem to have some very similar thoughts about our experiences. I think some of that can be attributed somewhat from my own no-contact rule and how we're looking at our own actions. It's tough man... real tough to acknowledge faults, but it's also a great thing that we can correct those things that we overlooked in the past.
Ya know, I'm still figuring sh!t out and will continue to try to be as honest as possible with myself. Even though by nature I'm a slacker! :P take care bra.
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