Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back fiz: Today has been kind of weird after last night. She has called me about something and she was very quiet. We both where.... I talked to her on the instant messenger about some work I'm doing and about my sister having her baby. She still wants to be involved in my work and it confuses me so much why she is doing other things. its only noon but I am doing ok with her so far. Just gotta remember not to talk about us and just vent other places.
At first she thought me saying I was drunk last night was an excuse because she knows that I am not a drinker but it was true and I finally convinced her it wasnt me trying to get out of what I did. I should have not talked to her on the instant messenger when I was drunk but she said something that I could not ignore. She said I needed to learn to take atleast 50% of the blame. The past few months I've been blaming EVERYTHING on myself. So that made me mad :'(
I just hope that things progress quickly back to how it was a few days ago where we where having fun and joking with each other and everything.
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back brilliant mind: fiz
you know...this is just designed to get you mad
mad there is nothing wrong with it shows passion..and emotion....and a deep down caring......
it is often used as defence mechanism.....to tell someone to do something .......that they are already doing....just to get you mad..so they dont feel so bad about themselves...
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back fiz: That wasnt really what got me mad but it made me think about other things. Like she is taking her half of the blame but she isnt doing anything to fix it, she is just trying to run away. I told her all that last night but not in a nice way and I called her names. Like chicken and stubbourn, stuff like that. This morning when she dropped my son off I told her I was sorry but I dont think it helped all that much. Just have to retread and try and fix things as best I can.
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back brilliant mind: yes if feels like you are trying to stop the runaway train...
to save her....unfortunately...she is the one driving the train...
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back myowncanoe: [quote"> ...it made me think about other things. Like she is taking her half of the blame but she isnt doing anything to fix it, she is just trying to run away.[/quote">
Ya know Fiz, from the woman-in-a-similar-position standpoint you were saying the truth. I do the same thing with my husband, happy to take half the blame (or more) but I am unwillingly to commit to fixing the problems by going back to the relationship. For me, I don't think we can fix the problems together anymore, both of us need time to stand alone and re-evaluate. My stbxh and I have been very communicative throughout this separation process and that has been both awful and wonderful. At least each of us has a good idea of what it's like for the other.
[quote"> I told her all that last night but not in a nice way and I called her names. Like chicken and stubbourn, stuff like that. This morning when she dropped my son off I told her I was sorry but I dont think it helped all that much. Just have to retread and try and fix things as best I can.[/quote">
So I figure telling her that - not so awful a thing to say really :) though often the way you say something has as much impact as what is said and calling people names rarely helps them understand your deeper meaning.
Do you have to retread to fix things? Do you feel that what you said was wrong to say or just that it has "hurt" your chances of reconciliation right now? Cause if you still feel like those things are true then backing off them just puts them away to rear again later. Your xgf sounds as though she still loves you and wants to be connected to you even if she is unwilling to commit to a future right now.
Love her as best as you can - you are human after all - and let her love you the best she can.
love all round - that's the goal ;)
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