Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back schpolo15: hey just keep pluging along and start working to improve yourself in every way you can. it will help to keep yourself focused and she will see the improvements in time. i am in the same situation right now and its so hard not to call and push them but i really think if your respecting their feelings then you will give them the space they need. Just remember that they are the one that has to make the decision to make it work too. check out my post " really need some advise / can she trust me again" a couple of good points from other people in their too. goodluck
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back NoEscape: Hey Fiz--you are not alone. When I ws trying to reconcile with wife I fought with her MANY times. The fights were all generated by me for the most part.
My guess is that you are coming across as
*sad
*lonely
*angry
*depressed
which is totally normal for your situation. However...your wife whether she says it or not is evaluating whether she wants to be with you. Do you want to be around anyone that exhibits those characteristics?
She also knows you are chasing her...so she is running.
If you dont chase her and act happy and like everything is ok it will work wonders. This may take days, weeks, months--but it will work. If it doesnt its not meant to be.
People always want what is elusive to them....you are not being elusive. She is...which is why you probably want her more now than when you had her. Make her want you...make her wonder why you are NOT pursuing her. Good luck.
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back Chase: I agree so much with NoEscape... the first time my wife actually rang me up to "chat" in 6 months happened within 2 days of me telling her that I was moving on.
Up until that point, it had been me wanting more from her, more and more.
Not that very much happened as a result, but to me it was an amazing turn-around. 6 months of me wanting to talk about "us", work out what went wrong, discuss our wants and needs.. all of that stuff had been ignored - she just didn't want to talk with me about it. And as soon as it sounded like I no longer wanted it, she was interested!
What I'd add to NoEscapes list is the word "Needy" - not that it's any more important than the other words, but it's another one for the mix.
The point about actually getting on and living your own life is this - don't do it to try and get a result from your wife. Seriously start to look at, and investigate, living your life without her for yourself. Don't shut her out, if you think there may be a chance in the future, but don't do it just to get her back. The advantage to this is twofold. Firstly, it will be so much more apparent to her that you really _are_ moving on, and no longer "need" her. Secondly, you will be putting yourself in the same position - and any decision you make about the two of you in the future will be made with a clearer understanding of who you are and what you want.
Finally, don't start doing this, then telling her how much you've changed. Change for yourself, and let her notice the changes on her own.
That's my advice this week anyway! :)
Chase
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back fiz: I want to explain last night to everyone. I am not a drinker and last night after her and me had the first fight over the money stuff I made myself a mixed drink and from then on things went down hill. I read everything I wrote to her last night and everything and I feel so bad. She dropped my son off this morning and I explained why I was the way I was last night and said i was sorry for it all. I havent been like that sense the first month we seperated. After I explained everything this morning she was ok again and we just sat outside and talked a little bit before she went to work. I wont be doing what I did last night. Im not a drinker and right now in the state I am was not a good time to start.
Thank you everyone for your words in my time of need. Everyone has helped me so much.
Re:1 step forward and 2 steps back brilliant mind: hey fiz
it is very difficult...
when you want something so badly.....
which you both shared...
one is maybe ...just needeind a little bit of time to get things back the way they should be
the other is just wanting it back..like it was right now
and it is so hard....not to damage all the good work done...when you are basically mentally and physically drained
as every act.. that you do to put it
right drains you more
hold in there.... 6take time for you ,...i am sure you both want the same thing..just at her pace and not yours....
i bet you feel like you are dangling...and you are not sure if she is going to cut the string or not...
so you kinda cut it yourself...
look today
i took 1 step back and 2 step forward
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