Insights of a young girl jen: Images of that young girl, tapping her foot,
impatiently waiting for you to get it right
Spunky and sassy, pony tail flipping behind her
as she shakes her head quickly side to side
Images of that young girl, taking care
to take care of everyone else
angry and scared, but so steely eyed
you wouldn't dare suggest she cry
Images of that young girl, dreaming
misguided and yet not quite naive
innocent and wise as she waits
for you to catch up when she runs so far ahead
Images of that young girl, resigned
to weighty challenges
trudging through quicksand, but so determined
you wouldn't dare suggest another path
Images of that young girl, singing
splashing in puddles, laughing loudly
provoking you to be free enough
to keep her with you always
Re:Insights of a young girl teacherwriterguy: Oh man - there's good stuff in this one, mtmo!!
Favorite phrases:
spunky and sassy, pony tail flipping behind her
(cool rhythm to the words... mimcs the imagery)
"taking care to take care of everyone else"
(I like the doubling of meaning created by the line break)
"care.. care.. scared.. dare..."
(subtle rhyme! woo!)
I also liked the unifying use of motion in the poem - she's tapping, then running, then trudging, then splashing. Can you involve that somehow in stanza 2?
The only suggestion I'd make is 'trudging through quicksand" is maybe a little cliche? Give her a personal memory of something that you've done!
Oh god, I'm being teachery. :)
On a personal level, I love the message of listening to and talking to your younger self. In "Bridge Across Forever", that book I mentioned to you at one point by Richard Bach that TWGFB recommended, the narrator has that theme as a constant one - the theme of listening to and talking to your various selves at different points of you life.
Poem got me thinkin!!
twg
Re:Insights of a young girl jen: lol - TWG teacherized my poem - I love it! Thanks, TWG!!!!
This is one I may go back and rework a little, so your suggestions are appreciated...It was pretty fresh when I posted it.
I think I may have to go back and reread my Richard Bach books - I loved them when I read them the first time, and you have reminded me of one of the themes I really liked in his work. Since they are among the books I salvaged in my move, I just have to dig them out :) - I knew I was a pack rat for a reason :P
Happy I could make you think a little!
mtmo
