It is all my fault.....or is it? jenn2be: The papers were signed on Monday.....And my stbx has now turned everything around. I guess I shouldn't be surprised as the main reason our marriage fell apart is that he refused to admit that there was a problem until it was too late. So I left and I am happy with my decision and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So I am not upset about the divorce so much as disappointed in how things turned out. But yesterday I told him I was going to come and get the rest of my things from the house and he told me that he had the locks changed and that I couldn't get in and that if I came over he would call the police on me. Then he proceeded to tell me that I gave up on our marriage (where as in my mind I fought for a year and lost the battle) But I can understand that he is upset with me for not giving him another (about the 20th) chance. Then he told me I was a *itch and that I had ruined 3 years of his life. That is where he hit home, I have made a home for the both of us while he did whatever he wanted. I looked for houses and found one and did the mortgage and decorated it without any help from him. He didn't even move our stuff into our new house, he wouldn't take the day off. Then after he quit his job and I supported him for 2 months and had back surgery and I took care of him for weeks and supported him in every way possible He says I ruined his life! So why am I bothered by this? I know that I did everything possible to make my marriage work! I just fell out of love with him after having no support, no love, and an absent partner. I'm rambling but I was more upset by that comment then anything else in this whole divorce/mess. I am only 26 and I know that I can find someone (no time soon) who will want to participate in a life with me and that was one of my driving forces in this whole divorce as well....which might be stupid of me, but I realized that I don't want to grow old alone and that is what I am and have been for the past year. Alone..... So the cycle stopped and I am the one who is at fault for trying so hard for so long and then finally giving up..........This sucks
Re:It is all my fault.....or is it? klvshoes: I know-I held on for at least the last three years out of eleven. Even though I should have left. I even brought another child in the world. Now I am in the process getting over it. You tried. It's not your fault. It takes two. I stopped trying last year after I had my son-but I still didn't think we would ever get divorced etc. But I am here now and have to live with it. He's a jerk-I was a good wife, a great mother and okay housekeeper. He was just a selfish alcoholic absent father and husband. Hang in there.
Re:It is all my fault.....or is it? jillieb44: I hung on for 6+ years (out of 14.5) that were utterly impossible and miserable. Partly for my kids' sakes (didn't want them to come from a broken home); partly financial (I was self employed and earning nothing); and partly because I felt divorce was an easy way out.
It was 6 years too long. But fortunately I was able to get past a lot of the hurt and anger before I actually left, so it hasn't taken me as long now that I'm out of the house.
It's so refreshing to have NO TENSION.
Jillie
