When do the dreams stop? aisac: I woke up at 4:45 this morning dreaming about my ex. These dreams I have are so emotionally charged they cause me to wake up. This morning I just had to cry. It pi**es me off. So often in the dreams he and I have worked everything out and its good again or worse we're making love. They feel SO real.
I had them every night when this started, but that was 9 months ago and I've been divorced for 7 months. Is this evidence that I'm not willing to accept reality - that part of me still has hope?
Even after the ways he has been disrespectful and the fact that he has a girlfriend, part of me still wants him back. I know that the betrayel runs so deep as does the pain that I don't think that I could forgive and move past it. The crazy pathetic thing is that there is no point even pondering it. HE DOESN'T WANT ME IN HIS LIFE.
It is just that he was my family, my bestfriend, my husband, and it is so hard to digest that poof - now absolutely nothing.
He is unrecognizable now. It is like a death - I mourn the person I knew and thought I had. When will the pain stop? I get so mad at myself for continuing to give him so much energy.
He's on vacation right now with his gf. This was suppose to be our summer to celebrate.
I'm sorry for going on - I just needed to get it out. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.
Re: When do the dreams stop? grober: aisac,
Sorry you're having such a hard time. The dreams can be really bad. I'm 6 months post divorce and I still have them occasionally. They really do seem real. Fortunately the worst of mine are over (I hope). When they were at their worst, I was having dreams about my X and TOM breaking into my house and killing me. Pretty bad.
Unfortunately, there is on time limit on the amount of time you have these dreams. It is different for everyone. Limiting contact with your X may help. Try to get plenty of rest (fatigue makes dreams more vivid).
Take care. :-/
Re: When do the dreams stop? notmyself: it is natural for you to mourn the loss of your relationship. you are mourning the loss of all the dreams you shared, plans you made. let yourself grieve, but then move on. honey, it won't be easy but you will get through this. dreaming can be wonderful, just remember that the man in your dreams is not how he is today. i dreamed for months like that..... even before he actually left, but he was already gone. then one dream i had i found out in the dream he was cheating, as he really was, and i confronted him. i basically kicked his @ss in the dream and it felt great. it was... i guess for lack of a better word.. liberating. not saying that he hasn't made appearances in my dreams since, but it is different. he is not a part of my life now, he still calls occassionally, but the man i thought he was is gone. you will work through this, we all are here for you.
Re: When do the dreams stop? down2basics: I agree with NMS - you need to let yourself grieve. People told me when my divorce started and even after it was final that I would need to grieve the "death" of my marriage. There is a mouring period where you are coming to terms with the loss - it's almost like a death in the family. Those take what seems forever to get over - and apparently - so does divorce. I'm still not over mine yet - and it's been 18 months! I know that doesn't sound encouraging - but let me tell you this. I can honestly tell you - the dreams become more infrequent and eventually you'll begin to love yourself as you should and begin to see that you are better than that and deserve to be happy. This will come - you'll see! Have faith in yourself and do what is best for YOU!
Hugs!! God Bless and keep you. I pray your dreams get bette!
d2b
Re: When do the dreams stop? JimB: Heh. I just had another one last week. :-/
I will say this - the emotional content of the dreams has changed somewhat. One of the reasons they used to be so intense is that they dragged up feelings of hope, and love, and trust, and all that good stuff. Then you wake up and it's like being kicked in the gut. Now, dreams of her are rarer, and the emotions I feel in the dreams are more along the lines of resignation, enlightened indifference, etc. They still bring her back into my mind, but they don't hit me as hard as they used to.
It does get better. In the meantime, go out for ice cream with your friends. :)
