Re: Calling all Guys - Identity Crises notmyself: Quote - Brian
So, fast forward 10,20 years, and sure they have a great life, wife, kids, house with the picket fence, good job. BUT, grass is always greener. They look around and go 'cr*p, what just happened to me? I used to be a carefree, crazy, single guy, and now Ive got a mortgage, a wife that nags me the minute I get home,two screaming kids, and im driving the minivan instead of my cool mustang I had in school." So, they bail. Thinking their unhappiness is solved by leaving the 'situation'.
this so describes my husband, but only fast forward 5 years, minus the kids. and he drove an oldsmobile, not a minivan... got the new motorcycle a month before he bailed. why is it that guys (and girls) that once they get what they say the want go and change their minds? they say the want forever, want committment, and expect it to be okay when they say
"well, i didn't really mean for that long?" oh hell, looks like today is going to be a bad day for me....
Re: Calling all Guys - Identity Crises achingallover: Yeh, mine never got the motorcycle...but he sure wanted to! I wonder if this is indeed what is going on with my guy. Brian, thank you so much for the input. I really apprectiate it. It makes more sense in my case the my stbx would want to go back and recature the "glory" days he never really experienced in the first place. But my question, is, can you ever really get those back. Isn't this just the idea that you have lost "you" - the "you" you were in the "glory" days. But then, you're 10 years forward now - maybe that "you" is different. Maybe that "you" doesn't fit the man that you've become. Maybe where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be and it's just the lack of realization of that - the anxiety that you've "missed" something that leads guys, and girls , to leave. I don't know. This is very complicated. I wonder how a couple could allow the feeling of some of this "old you" stuff but still stay married. I think the answer is in balance here and I think when identity crisis hits - it's an extremely overwhelming feeling. Like you just gotta get away from this person as fast as you can - as that's what we all seem to have been experiencing here on the site. Maybe between the mate who is in the extreme reaction telling the other their extreme decision (divorce), everyone is freaking out and no one is having a cool head on how to stay together and provide the old "you" feelings. But then, the one who is having the identity crises is 100% sure they want a divorce - so I think the bottom line of what is going to happen is left with that person, as you can't MAKE someone stay around and find a balance.
Hum. Deep thougts by Steph.
;)
Thanks again for the post, Brian. As you see it's really got me thinking.
hugs-
Steph
Re: Calling all Guys - Identity Crises down2basics: Hang in there NMS...you'll be fine!
People are sooo weird! I know what you are talking about to a degree, I mean....I bought my X his car he's driving now...then I bailed. I just couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't the fact that he got the car, it was the fact I just couldn't look at his fat little face anymore! Not one more minute! I had to get out - it was like I was suffocating, gasping for air and couldn't breathe!
I don't really think then it has anything to do with getting everything you possibly want and then bailing...to me it was making sure he had what he needed to survive, then saving myself.
FWIW....
d2b
Re: Calling all Guys - Identity Crises atd74: My ex was the same way - even though he was 26 when we married he still wished he was back in high school - I should have seen it coming. Always wished he could go back to a time when his girlfriends did his homework (hmmm, that sounds way too familiar in so many other ways), when he had no one else to be responsible for and when he didn't have to THINK about anyone else but himself.
A few weeks before the divorce was final he ran out and bought a 93 Corvette he'd been bugging me for since before he got layed off of work. He was layed off for 1 year and 2 mos and still had the grand illusion that he should have what he wanted because life was too short and he'd worked hard for things.
Now he can do WTF he wants, when he wants and not have to worry about me! I hope his vette can cuddle at night and cook him dinner... :P
