everything that i want to say, but can't..... amola: dear t....
there are so many things that i want to say to you....if you would only give me the chance....
when we started dating back in march, i couldn't believe how fast i fell for you. you treated me like i wanted to be treated...you did things for me, you helped around the house, you were amazing with my kids, you asked my opinion on things......
we would talk for hours and hours and hours....about big things, little things, important things, stupid things.....
we talked so much about kids and how much they mean to us....you told me how much you loved my kids and how you enjoyed spending time with them....you told me about your 1st wife's baby--he wasn't yours but you tried to raise him as your own for the short time that you were with his mother. you even have his name tatooed on your leg....
we talked about the "what ifs" if i got pregnant since we really weren't being terribly careful....we both decided that if it happened, it happened. and you told me time and time again that if it did happen, you would treat me like a queen while i was pregnant and you would be there for me every step of the way....
well guess what, baby? i told you on a wednesday that i was pregnant....you started acting funny right away....you left the next wednesday for your grandpa's funeral and you got back on saturday but didn't even call me. i finally cornered you on that monday and you told me that you need space.
ok. fine. you do have alot going on in your life. your work has been an uproar due to the changes that are being made by the state...your cousin blew up your car...your grandpa died and there is a family feud about it....and now a baby on the way. baby, i can understand stress. and i know that you are overwhelmed. and that i agreed to give you space. but d@mn it, this is when i need your support the most!
i don't expect you to be at my beck and call 24 hours a day. i don't expect you to wait on me hand and foot. what i do expect is that you call me and ask me how i'm doing. stop by when you have a few minutes. send me a text message just to say hi. anything to let me know that you're at least worried. most of all, i expect you to be honest with me. we pledged honesty and open communication when we got together--instead, i get evasive answers and broken promises. you say you'll call me later and you don't. you say that you'll stop by and you don't. you say that you'll cut my grass and you don't. you say that you'll put the a/c in the girls' room and you don't.
babe, you can't run away from this, but i can't force you to stay. whether you like it or not, i am pregnant with your child. YOUR CHILD. your baby. your flesh and blood. in the 4 weeks that we have known, you have done nothing to help me....ok, you did meet me at the emergency room and you did stay with me through all the tests and everything.....we almost lost our baby that night. i feel like i am losing you more and more every day. i hope that someday soon you realize what you are doing and you come back to me. i love you so much, and it is killing me to not be with you.....
i know that i can't force you to be involved. it is a choice that you have to make. but baby, you have to understand that i need to know what is going on. i need to know if you are going to be there or not. if we are not going to be a couple again, fine, just tell me. you will always have a place in this baby's life--i will not keep you out of it. but if we are not going to be together, then let me go. stop dragging me along.
i think that i deserve to know the truth.....
i love you babe....with all my heart.....
love,
amy
Re:everything that i want to say, but can't..... dreamerpoet: (((((HUGS))))))) awww now you did it....I am crying. I am here for you. I know what it is like to be alone and pregnant. My ex took off during each one of my pregnancies. I had three. We lost the baby right before I got pregnant with my daughter. He made me do that by myself too. Any time you need to chat. I will be praying for you!!!!! If you need a hand to hold.... :)
Re:everything that i want to say, but can't..... amola: don't cry! i've done enough of that today for everyone on this board! lol
i'll get through this one way or another.....and now that i have both you and iso within a reasonably short driving distance, i'm beginning to feel better about it! just knowing that there are other people out there makes it so much easier....
i just can't stand the thought of going through this alone.....i want to share it......the joys and the heartbreaks....i am just not a "loner" type person!
ugh.
must.....grow....a.....spine.
Re:everything that i want to say, but can't..... dreamerpoet: [quote"> i am just not a "loner" type person!
[/quote"> I feel you there. Anytime you need someone to share. I never had that, not even a friend to share with. Glad to find some people close to me too.
You are Not lacking a spine, pregnancy is a very vulnerable time...I understand completely!!!!
You concentrate on taking good care of yourself. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Re:everything that i want to say, but can't..... WhiskeyGirl: Oh Amola! I am so sorry things are still so up in the air for you....that is so hard!! My ex also left me during all three of my pregnancys (Im thinking Melancholy and I married the same man ???) It is so not fair!! You didnt get here by yourself, why should you go through all this alone! You are way more patient than I would be. I hope you sent him that letter, he needs to hear how he is making you feel. Take care of yourself and that baby :) He's being a dumb ass and its his loss to be sure!!
Big Hugs sent your way!
Whiskey
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