Getting this vibe from my wife Thinkin: So I’m getting this vibe from my wife like she’s going to flip flop again. We’d parted ways, agreed on divorce "Which she now says she agreed just to make it easy on me cause she didn't want to cause more pain" and that was about 3 weeks or so ago. Within the last few days she had that issue I told you about not being able to take care of our dog and that she may have to find a home for her. Well since then she has been calling every night and telling me she loves me and I’m just getting that vibe from her. Hasn’t said anything real that I can hear, just small talk about issues at work and the dog and friends I don’t really hang out with cause she does more, so I just stay away. But I can tell she is up to something and I can't tell what. She’s out of town right now for work and has been calling every night; she gets home tomorrow and said she would call me when she gets home. Why I’m not sure, I guess just to tell me she’s home? Who knows, Of course this really means nothing to me at this point other then it will knock me back and fourth on what I really want out of her and my marriage. We’ve done the let’s try and see if we can work on it only to have her confused and me not really making it easy on her cause I don’t feel it from her. I don’t feel the same around her now, I’d like to have that happy marriage that we had planned but I’m not sure if we can. I’d like to work it out, but that trust and willingness that I would not have to hear from her, but feel and see from her. Her telling me things don’t mean sh!t at this point, It’s when I can feel it and see it and that’s when I’ll try to take it serious. But I won’t open myself up to be her sucker and have her knock me down again.
Yawn,
Thinkin
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Chase: Hi Thinkin,
Wow! Isn't life just grand.. relationships just get more and more confusing don't they! Well, it sounds as though - in the short term at least - it's just not the right time for a reconciliation. Sounds like you are where I am in relation to my wife at the moment - if she suddenly wanted me back, I don't think I'd be interested! But can you say for sure that it's an absolute impossibility? What if, after a year or so, you have both changed enough to be interested in each other again?
I think that once you've got to this stage, you both need to rule a line under your past life, and your marriage is probably part of that past life. Divorce doesn't have to be forever does it? Cutting the ties, and allowing for the possibility of a new relationship to develop with none of the strings of the old one related may be one option.
But what else to do? Be true to yourself, and if you are not interested, or ready, tell her so and keep progressing the way you have been!
Chase
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife JimB: [quote author=Thinkin link=board=1;threadid=14010;start=0#msg117014 date=1120031062">
I don’t feel the same around her now, I’d like to have that happy marriage that we had planned but I’m not sure if we can. [/quote">
You're not going to feel the same around her - you've been through too much crap with her. And if you're able to have a happy marriage with her, it'll likely have to be different than the one you had planned, because of the aforementioned crap. But there's more than one path to happiness....
[quote"> I’d like to work it out, but that trust and willingness that I would not have to hear from her, but feel and see from her. Her telling me things don’t mean sh!t at this point, It’s when I can feel it and see it and that’s when I’ll try to take it serious. [/quote">
Thus the advantage of no contact. If it's not helping you to listen to her stream of consciousness rambling and indecisiveness, why not set some rules? And if you want to give her another shot, I'm sure you can figure out an environment in which you can gain some insight into her intentions without laying yourself on the line so much. It wouldn't be out of line to tell her that talk is cheap, and see what she does with that little tidbit.
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife PiscesGoddess: ahh thinkin man.. she's yankin yer chain again aint she? ::)
I cant say anything better than the wise JimB..other than from what I know..I know you are pretty burned at this point and she is clearly SERIOUSLY confused. Honestly? I dont think she knows what the he!! she wants but wants to know you are on the back burner when she figures it out. ::)
I agree with everyone who says cut off contact for awhile to sort out your heart and your head..because everytime you talk to her she throws you 10 steps backward and then maybe you can figure out what it is exactly that YOU want..because that is the most important person here. :)
Remember what you asked me.. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person after what she has done? Is it worth enough to you to start over?
She seriously needs to start giving you some straight answers and she can only yank your chain hon as long as you allow her to do so. (Some of my goddess tough love there for ya weeble ;))
Good luck and as always Keep me posted!
Pisces
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Thinkin: You guys are always right on in telling me what I should be doing; it's what I'm thinking but need to do it somehow.
Chase, your have always been there for me since the first post. I thank you for that, you must have some good radar cause every time I post your there with some very good advice and insight. Thanks again, you’re a great person.
JimB, I've seen your posts and agree with allot of them, I also see what your saying about this one. It's just that I have done the no contact and feel fine about it, she ends up contacting me and finding her way back in with things like the last one with our dog. I'm gonna think about the guidelines and rules you talk about. Maybe come to a line I'm ok with I guess. For the feelings of not being the same, I think it's more of resentment. But who really knows for sure?
Goddess, throwing my words back at me huh? I like that, it might be the best thing for me. It's cause I know what I should be doing but just keep falling back and giving in. I think cause I'd like it to work it out but not sure that it can.
I guess I have to come up with something, as she will be home and calling me soon. Today is the day; I'm not waiting for it and kindda wish that it wasn't going to happen. If she really has had some change of heart and want to work it out then I'm willing to hear her out and see if I get that feeling and see the things that she say's.
I think my rules will be is that I'll try it out, but if I don't feel it from her and see it then I'm not going to think she is really in for the long haul. I don't think she can hurt me the way she did so it's like a no lose situation. I'd like to see her finally change her name and take mine, our sh!t feel apart before that even happened. I just need to see the effort on her part before I will open myself up and allow her to walk all over me.
But whatever I do I need to come up with a plan soon as she will be getting back in town and calling me within a few hours. Mind you if for some reason she wanted to work it out and I felt it and saw it, I still wouldn't move back. I think that would be foolish so no mater what she comes up with I will stand my ground until I know it's not going to cave in on me. PS, I’m going to try and stay away from the Ex-sex as well. I always see that ex sex thread popping up and I have been there but never really posted about it. Things seem like they are working out we spend time together and of course I’m a guy so I give in every time. Who isn’t a sucker for sex? But this time I’m going to give it an honest try LOL
Thanks again,
Thinkin
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