Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Thinkin: Hi Chey Hi MtMo
Thanks you two, and I understand it's what I'm feeling and comfortable with but I just don't feel I can trust my own choices. I'm a flip flopper and then some I guess, but I'll be all right with all you guys watching my back :)
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Thinkin: Well that vibe turned out to be nothing more then nothing I guess. She did call like she said, called while still on the plane when she landed. Said she was delayed and that she would be home to let the dog out and would call me when she got there. That was at 6:30 and the airport is about 15 min away. Then 10 o clock rolls around and I didn't hear from her so I stated thinking if the dog does need to go out since maybe she didn't go home. I ended up calling her cause if the dog needs out then I'll do it since I don't want her locked up. She didn't answer so I left a message saying that I wanted to know if the dog needs to be let out and since I didn't hear from her I thought I'd check. I also told her to do me a favor and not tell me things that she doesn't intend on doing. If you say you’re going to call then fucking call! So I get in the bug and start to head over there to check on our dog and she calls. Asked if I call and left a nasty message and I said yeah, If your going to tell me your going to do something then do it. She got upset told me she told me she was stopping by her friends house cause it was her birthday, she did mention something about her friends birthday when I talked to her but never said she was going there. If she told me that then I wouldn't have not let the dog out. Just more game playing and I don't understand why she does it. What does she gain by doing it? She got all upset and said she feels like she will never live down what she did and that she just wants to run away. And she said that's why she's talked about moving. I said fine do what you need to but don't lie to me and say things you don't mean, if you told me you were going there then fine, I'm sorry I didn't hear that but I don't think you did. So it ended by me saying look, I'll just talk to you later, and hung up.
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Break in the story, I went and got gas since I was out anyway about to let the dog out and when I was leaving the gas station about 8 cops on bikes rolled in. no biggy, I was backing out and a truck pulled into the gas station and waved me out cause he was going to the pump I was leaving from, at the same time I'm pulling out another cop rides in and almost hits me. Seems he didn't want to wait behind the truck that was waving me through and thought he'd just go on the wrong side of the driveway and pass the truck, well I almost hit his dumb ass and he stalled his bike right next to my window, started saying something abut giving me two cents and teaching me a lesson or two, Was that I threat from someone who is to protect and serve? Pissed me off to think he's mad at me cause he's in a rush on the wrong side of the road. I said hey sorry but I don't see this as my fault, he got mad and said I should be reevaluated by the DMV so I said yeah, I guess your right. But you really should slow down next time. He then started up his bike and it must have been in gear cause it started jumping out from under him. LOL I just shook my head and drove away. Just a vent to add to my already crazy life I guess. Just cause he’s got the uniform I must be wrong and he must be right I guess.
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So back to the story, I get home from almost crashing with the bike cop and sitting down and the wife calls. Doesn’t say anything but that she is home and that she thanks me for taking care of the dog. We talked a few about nothing really, just nonsense till I say I'll let you get some sleep since you gotta be at work tomorrow. That’s it? No vibe, I still don't understand saying she'll call me and that she loves me and seemed like there was something going to happen then got pushed back by the friend’s birthday. I guess I'm just wanted when she wants to want me. It's all on her time and she feels she can blow me off if she has something else to do I guess. But I kept my guard up, I got hit but I was ready for it. I don't feel that bad about it, I know what I want I think but I'm willing to see if I can feel it from her or see it rather then just hear her say it.
Who knows, just another day in this funhouse of horror.
Bye for now,
Thinkin
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife PiscesGoddess: ::) sorry thinkin my friend.. I was truly hoping the conversation would go better than that for ya...
But obviously as you said she still wants to play games and if you cant figure it out then Im sure she doesnt know what the he!! is going on in that mind of hers.. She wants to play the yo-you game like we said last night..and you just have to continue to set your boundaries and not let her do it.
My 2 cents but I think she is going to continue this bullcrap until she figures her crap out ..and you either need to say hey...lets deal with this so I can move on one way or the other..or just let her go do it and do what you need to do in the meantime.
Sadly she seems a very mixed up and confused person and you are caught in the middle.. ::) And I also think (lot of thinkin for this early in the morning for me so I hope I make sense :P) that she uses the "you are never gonna let me live this down" as an excuse to continue her behavior with you.
I dont know..only time will tell..and I know you are taking care of yourself in the meantime..but as I said the other day..there comes a point..when you gotta know when to hold em..know when to fold em..know when to walk away..know when to run. 8)
Sorry she's tryin to put your heart through the cuisinart again buddy.. You know Im here for ya ..keep me updated..
Hugs!
Pisces
PS>> Sure that cop wasnt our old friend Confused Pete? wasnt he supposed to be a cop? Maybe he's out gunnin for ya ;D ;) :o
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Chase: Gawd Thinkin'.. does your wife know mine or something?
A few weeks ago, for the first time in 6 months, my wife actually rang me after the kids were in bed, just to speak to me.. to "chat" - not about anything in particular - she just wanted to talk to me! First time, 6 months since she had done anything that may indicate even the remotest interest or enjoyment in being or talking with me!
Seemed pretty important to me at the time, thought it could be the start of a real rebuilding phase or something (but didn't get my hopes up too high).
Sad thing was, I wasn't there when she called, she just left a message.
She hasn't called since.. well, other than at the kids bedtime to say goodnight to them.. and followed up by short chats, about organisational stuff/kids/work etc.
So it was a false start.
What's the point, I hear you ask! :) I don't think she's "yankin' my chain", or playing games or anything like that. As Pisces says.. she's just damn confused and has absolutely no idea what she wants. One day she feels something, next day she doesn't, one day she thinks she doesn't want to lose me, next day she doesn't want to keep me.
Philosophically I've decided that not knowing if you want someone or not is the same as not wanting someone. You either do or don't. This means that for me I'm in a headspace where I no longer expect - or even want - her to indicate any interest. It's easier. And it's where I'm coming from with my first post.
She's oscillating between old feelings, new feelings, and a whole lot of stuff. The only way to move forward is to have the old stuff begone! That's what I think.
If you met a new woman for the first time, and she said "I'll call you", and she didn't - or she called you the following night instead of that night.. what would you do? (I don't know your answer, but the point is I think you'll find that you are treating your wife in a different way because of your history). I really don't know how you move beyond this stuff, these expectations, these demands and needs that are built up through years of togetherness. I just know they get in the way of giving things a real second shot.
Chase
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife NoEscape: Hey thinkin. You know I got your back man but I am going to say something a little different here. If I am understanding correctly your wife called you on the plane and then didnt call you when she said. She then said after knowing you left a nasty message that she was going to a friends house. Maybe if you didnt leave a nasty message(and probably have a nasty conversation because she didnt call to boot) she may not have elected to go to her friends house. I think your wife wants to try but doesnt want to deal with constant conflict. You had a right to be angry that she didnt call but it probably wasnt a good idea to leave a nasty message. Again not saying your wife was right for not calling but even though she still has a lot to make up to you in terms of restoring your trust you still have to make being with you an enjoyable experience as well.
Man its a hell of a lot easier to give advice in this situation than to actually apply it to my own life....lol
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