Re:Getting this vibe from my wife JimB: [quote author=NoEscape link=board=1;threadid=14010;start=15#msg117577 date=1120136081">
even though she still has a lot to make up to you in terms of restoring your trust you still have to make being with you an enjoyable experience as well.
[/quote">
Hey Thinkin, this is just what I was thinkin too. If there's ever going to be trust again, then some little things must be let go of. Not everything is a big hairy deal, and if you can't dial back your reaction to small stuff like this, she's going to be thinkin she has to walk on eggshells all the time. That's no way to live.
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife NoEscape: walking on eggshells--I hear that expression from my wife all the time. Thats exactly how she feels--like jimb says no one wants to live like that---
I think the key here is that I believe she wants to try to work things out and I think deep down beyond the hurt and resentment you feel, you do as well. But I think the part of you that wants to be with her, at least the ideal version of her that you have in your head--in order to get that version of her you have to give a little, improve yourself a bit and cut her some slack.
No one wants to serve a life sentence for making a mistake, and in the world of cheating--not that bad of a mistake.
pm if you want man, I got your back.
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife myowncanoe: Hi Thinkin',
From the other side, I have to say that Jim and NE and Chase are spot-on.
Every time I got drawn a little closer to my stbxh - after a time of sharing, closeness or loving - he would demonstrate enough intolerance to push me away again. And then inside me, I don't trust myself to commit to him because I am not sure. I got to thinking what Chase says, not being sure I wanted him equated to not wanting him in real terms, certainly to an unwillingness to recommit. But a willingness for connection and possible reconciliation. It is easy, from your side, to view this as game playing but it is not always so.
Your wife sounds as though she is still in touch with her loving feelings towards you and is enduring (as are you) a time of great personal upheaval and turmoil - thrown into her mix are shame and guilt. Give her time to cope and evaluate. Give yourself that time. Pick your battles wisely and try not to react with behaviours but to create new behaviours.
[center"> Act with Love[/center">
I wish you all the very best and I know that you can work this out bravely and with love - either way.
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife MadorSad: [quote author=Thinkin link=board=1;threadid=14010;start=0#msg117014 date=1120031062">
Her telling me things don’t mean sh!t at this point, It’s when I can feel it and see it and that’s when I’ll try to take it serious. But I won’t open myself up to be her sucker and have her knock me down again.
Yawn,
Thinkin
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Amen brother that is the ticket.....
Stay sane my brother
MoS
Re:Getting this vibe from my wife Thinkin: [quote author=NoEscape link=board=1;threadid=14010;start=15#msg117577 date=1120136081">
She then said after knowing you left a nasty message that she was going to a friend’s house. Maybe if you didn’t leave a nasty message (and probably have a nasty conversation because she didn’t call to boot) she may not have elected to go to her friend’s house. [/quote">
Hey NE, she was at her friends long before I left her the message. Just wanted to make sure you know that and that she didn't hear the message then go because of it.
I do understand everybody’s point; I think there are games going on. But I also know she is really confused, I have told myself I would move on cause I really don't think I could be with her the rest of my life but I get sucked back in by the little signs of caring like the phone calls and her telling me she loves me. That's what kills my plans to move on, I know the best thing for me is to move on but it's easier said then done. I understand the eggshell part too but like Poe said, that is going to be there so it's something that would need to be worked out. I know that she may feel it not worth it if she has to fight for it and walk on eggshells but if she not willing to go through a little sh!t for me like the sh!t I went through for her in all this then Fuck her, she's not worth my time. Little vent got in there, thing is it's not going to be easy and if she isn't willing to deal with it then I don't want to. Again, easier said then done since I always seem to get sucked in by her at times. I think I do make the time we spend enjoyable, I never rub her face in the sh!t she created. She does that enough herself, I don't bring up past stuff. When we hang out we do get along but then she does little things like flake on me when she say's she's going to do something. She has stood me up a few times now while trying to work it out. But the time spent is always happy times with no fights.
One thing that stood out was this:
[quote"> she's going to be thinkin she has to walk on eggshells all the time. That's no way to live. [/quote">
A few seem to agree with this but what does she think? That she wouldn't have some water to be treading? She fucked up so I think she'll be doing this anyway. If I did something so wrong then I would be walking on eggshells trying to comfort the one I loved and was wrong to. After screwing up I would try and make it easier on the one I did wrong to and try and make it better if I really cared for this person. Does that make sense? I agree with it I just don't understand it cause I too would feel the need to make it as easy on the one I screwed over to help them get over it and heal faster.
Chase you had a great post in this one:
[quote"> she's just d**n confused and has absolutely no idea what she wants. One day she feels something, next day she doesn't, one day she thinks she doesn't want to lose me, next day she doesn't want to keep me.[/quote">
That sums it all up in a nutshell of what I see in her. But if she really cares she wouldn't be having these feeling right? I mean, I know before there wasn't anything we wouldn't do or give up for one another and now she is not even knowing for sure she wants to be with me? That is what get's to me the most, I would have given up everything for her only to find this out. There was a time she would have given up everything for me but now that is gone. So I will be back on my getting over this crap game and try and stick with it. Good news is that I was ready for the punch, it didn't hurt that much cause I was ready for it.
Bye again,
Thinkin about dating and moving on
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