Re:Something to be concerned about ? NoEscape: ok some clarification on a few things.
This is not the OM that she had an affair with...he was not there(as far as I know)
I did not ask her specifically if the guy who was there was going to be there. Therefore she didnt lie.
She never slept with this guy..he is an old friend from high school who she semi-dated.
I found out about this by sort of snooping...(looking at her chat while she went to answer phone--she didnt know I was looking).
I dont want her to think I am snooping on her(even though to a certain degree I am).
Deep down I dont think anything is happening here...but I know when I asked her who was going to this event she did not mention him--she knows I may have gotten pissed.
I am sure in her mind she feels there is no point in opening up a can of worms for something harmless.
Its not like this was a one on one "date"---It was a bunch of people out having drinks. Any further prospective would be appreciated. Other than this things have been going very well. I do have a certain degree of trust with her also...although not implicitly.
Re:Something to be concerned about ? Suddenly Single: so since it was a group thing it was safe? NO uh uh. That is how it starts. Again - if she had an EA in January - all her efforts, friendship and time should be spent on you and your family...this is not the time for her to foster a relationship with an old friend/possible flame who has interest in her?
You are giving her too much the benefit of the doubt. I don't mean to be accusing her but if you took her back after the other affair and she is more open about this so not to arouse suspicion from you - she may just want to eat her cake and have it to. Sorry to be pessimistic but again .... after such betrayal - she should be working on you guys!
SS
Re:Something to be concerned about ? NoEscape: [quote author=SS link=board=1;threadid=14015;start=0#msg117186 date=1120062155">
so since it was a group thing it was safe? NO uh uh. That is how it starts. Again - if she had an EA in January - all her efforts, friendship and time should be spent on you and your family...this is not the time for her to foster a relationship with an old friend/possible flame who has interest in her?
You are giving her too much the benefit of the doubt. I don't mean to be accusing her but if you took her back after the other affair and she is more open about this so not to arouse suspicion from you - she may just want to eat her cake and have it to. Sorry to be pessimistic but again .... after such betrayal - she should be working on you guys!
SS
[/quote">
Some good points SS. Man I never really thought about the possibility of her actually doing something on the side while leading a (at least on the surface) happy life with me. I believe she is under the impression that I no longer snoop around looking for things...I think if I bring this up she will know I snooped on her...which would make her REALLY cover all tracks and prevent me from ever finding out anything in the future...if there is anything to find out. Hmm---
I guess its obvious I dont totally trust her. I care for her but still to this day do not trust her without reservation. If anyone else wants to jump in feel free...
Re:Something to be concerned about ? sadaboutdad: if she wasn't up front about who was going......after you asked.....then that is lying. And after one affair I just don't think anything going on behind your back like this can be a good sign. Sounds like you don't trust her, and after what happend maybe you shouldn't. Do you know anyone she works with (other than the a$$) that could supply you with info, or can you pass it off that a friend saw her with him....I would start to keep a very close eye on her, maybe go so far as to get one of those computer programs that track im's with out being dected by the user (I don't know how far you are willing to trust her, but obviously you can't just take her word for it.) Or just start to be around when she is chatting with him.... if she is innocent then it won't matter and you can read every line of what they write, if not then she will shoo you out or jump and close the chat. Also if you are around her more and more then she just won't have a chance to do anything.....next time she wants to go out with you....suggest going out together (find a baby sitter if you have kids) or going with her. Gauge her reactions and see if she would even be open to it or forceably refuses
Re:Something to be concerned about ? riversandlakes:
is not telling the truth considered lying? imho, sadly, yes.
ok, without disclosing the snooping (whatever for), why not you tag along for this group meeting? if she becomes uncomfortable...
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