Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? Repentant: Well, it's been nearly a week...
She came over on Saturday to give me the kids, gave me a nice kiss and everything was fine.
Today I rang to talk to our kids and I made the mistake of asking if she still wants to take counceling. She responded with "I dunno". I asked her why she's not sure and she let me have it- big time. How I hurt her..I listened to it all and then she said she had to go..click.
I shouldn't have mentioned it. Back to square one?
Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? JimB: Maybe.
Why not do this: set the appointment (for a time you think would work for her), tell her when it is, and get yourself there. (If she tells you she has a conflict, ask her when would work for her - make sure she gives you an answer.) If she shows up, great, but if she doesn't, you'll still get something out of it. If she doesn't show up, call her afterwards and let her know how it went - how you liked the counselor, what you discussed. Tell her when the next one is, and say you'd really like her to be there.
This would be you taking charge, without being manipulative. IMO, of course.
Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? Repentant: Yea good idea Jim. Thanks. I'll try that.
I was just thinking. Pain is a funny thing. When it comes, for the millionth time :'( it wants to nestle itself in, like an unwanted guest! Like, I can feel it, because it's so familiar. But since I haven't felt this bad in a while (like a week) I noticed that I allow it to come in. Get out you vile, evil thing..lol
I mean, I'm the one letting it live here, in me, when it comes. And so I can expell it..simply by telling it to p**s off!
And we're all human. The ex is human, with the same insecurities as the rest of us. If they were in the same position, they'd be just as screwed up. Maybe even more.lol
Hope that helps someone.
Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? dj: [quote author=Repentant link=topic=14016.msg120903#msg120903 date=1120656419"> Today I rang to talk to our kids and I made the mistake of asking if she still wants to take counceling. She responded with "I dunno". I asked her why she's not sure and she let me have it- big time. How I hurt her..I listened to it all and then she said she had to go..click.
I shouldn't have mentioned it. Back to square one?
[/quote">
Square one? Not necessarily, BUT this was a HUGE push man. You just managed to remind her of all the years of abuse that she has put up with. You CANNOT do this. Just keep on working on yourself and IF she feels like she can eventually trust you, she'll join you in counseling. If not, you need to keep working on yourself. Believe me, as a recovering verbal abuser myself, I DO know what you are feeling. I know how hard it is to forgive yourself. I know how hard it is to exorcise these demons so to speak. Keep it up.
dj
Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? Repentant: Time to stop chasing her I think. It's gettting me nowhere.
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