Re:overanalyzing?? Kameee: Laurie, I have got to be completely honest here. So if I offend you or anyone else, I apologize upfront.. but.. I think he is feeling smothered by your relationship right now. Men NEED space. They can be so sweet, intimate, affectionate, attentive, and loving for awhile. BUT then they start to feel like their independence is a little threatened. They need to feel like they still have space to themselves and trust me, they dont' want to spend it sleeping. He is probably using that partially as an escape right now because as you said it, he is spending ALL of his free time with you. And when he is not with you, your still there messaging him. In all honesty, how can the man miss you, when you are always there accessible to him? Believe me, men don't want to be smothered by a woman. They want to still have to work for your attention a little bit. If you present no challenge and suddenly he feels like he can't ever get away, he will eventually BOLT out of the relationship. But being a guy, and not wanting to be confronted with tears and emotions from a girl, he may not even tell you the truth about that until it's too late and he no longer cares because out of desperation he wants to save himself from feeling like a drowning man.
PLEASE before it gets to that point realize that if you too are not yet married you can't really expect him to spend every day in and day out with just you. He needs a night, or two or three to do stuff with his buddies, or his family, or by himself. He needs free time to be a man, and do what men do, not just sleep. And honest to goodness, he can't appreciate a sweet message from you if he gets them all the time. After all isn't it easy to take forgranted the things you see everyday? So dont' message him except for every couple of days.. and then keep it to a bare minimum. Instead when you feel chatty, message a female friend who wants to be chatty back. That way when he hears from you it will be an unexpected surprise not a daily repeat.
Last but not least, don't always ask him aobut the relationship either. If he wants to talk about it, he will bring it up. If you make him feel like your worried about being left standing around he may begin to feel like taking you with him to places is sort of like being shackled to you. He won't like that one bit. Instead trying planning ahead for easy conversation starters you can use to chat with other people there on your own. If he see's that your capable of getting along fine on your own he will feel less shackled and more relaxed. Try not picturing it like your there dependent on him, but rather like your there independantly of him. So that your not expecting him to chaperone you and more at ease with socializing yourself.
I am not trying to be preachy but I really hope you'll take what I have said here to heart. If you doubt it in anyway, I suggest you print it off and show it any guy friends you have. I will be shocked if they don't agree that it is true! I wish you the best and truly hope you work it out. But a word to the wise (and I believe it was already said by someone else on this threat) ALWAYS trust your gut instinct. If it feels like something is wrong, it is! But instead of talking it to death which guys hate, be logical, take some good advice, and try a new approach since the other one is not likely working in the first place.
Re:overanalyzing?? laurie007: kameee,
thank you so much..you pretty much hit hte nail on the head. i just needed to hear it to make it sink into my head from another person. this man is what i want, and who is my soulmate, so i am going to have to change...i guess i just am so sureo f this i don't want anything to go wrong...i want him to want me, like he did when we first started this...like you said i'm always there, he doesn't have to do any work. he can't miss me. i'm going to try to go shopping or just get out this weekend, we are supposed to be spending it together (i stay at his place a lot...bad rommate, but long story) i'll give it a try, try to get away...to help the relationship. i know he doesn't like tears/crying it really gets to him-he can't deal with that. i knew something was wrong with me that's why i came on here and needed someone to say the right things so i could figure it out...i don't want to smother him, i wnat him to have his space, his free time, i want him to miss me, i miss how it was when we first started out - the difference, i didn't see him all the time like i do now....has to be the answer...it's just overwhelming right now and especially with him and his job situation. he definitely isn't happy. i am going to quit with the messages, i have felt compelled to do it because i gave it a break last week and he was like "where have all the sweet messages been?" so that's why i have been continuously doing it..thought it made him happy but i guess enough is enough and it makes me feel good he was missing htem last week.
i do ask him about me and him a lot...i guess i am the type of person who has to have reassurance. not a good quality.
i need to give him his nights to go out on his own, have buddy time...only problem i have with it is all his friends are single and boy do they like to mingle...i just don't wnat him to fall back into that you know after being intoxicated and peer pressure andi t's just there but i think that is any woman's worry.
thanks
Re:overanalyzing?? Kameee: Laurie you seem like a wonderful, sweet, good hearted woman. Surely this guy will appreciate that whether he is with your or with his friends. So if his feelings are genuine, he won't be easily swayed by his friends to 'mingle'.
Re:overanalyzing?? ChiefWiggum: Laurie,
This time with the "new bf" is supposed to be the honeymoon. I'm not sure how long you've been together, but if it's less than two years and things are miserable, things aren't looking too good for the "seven year itch".
CW
Re: overanalyzing?? leia: Make plans to hangout with a girlfriend when the ex comes into town, have drinks and spend the night at her house. If you trust him, then you will have nothing to worry about. You, her, him, too confusing, too weird. Break out for the night or the weekend and let him spend his time with her, wondering where the hell you are!
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