Re:Stunned!! NoEscape: Hello mathilda. Welcome to OJAR.
Your story is very sad and to be honest doesnt really make a lot of sense to me. It sounds like you have the perfect marriage. Not to mention a regular sex life. Is there something else that happened or occurred here?
Can I ask how old you and your hubby are? Perhaps a mid life crisis of some kind?
either way it is a terrible thing to happen to someone and you have come to the right place for support. People here are great as I am sure you will find out.
Re:Stunned!! Joey27: I feel so sorry for you and your children. I have no idea why some people do this. Is it there from the beginning, and just gets bigger and bigger until they just up and leave? Or is it triggered by some event / other person?
I was going to post a separate topic, but my story is somewhat similar - although without the added emotions of marraige and children.
My girlfriend of 7 years decided suddenly a few weeks ago that she needs to be alone at this point in her life. She's never really been alone as such (we met when she was 17 and living with her parents), but why wait 7 years? I suppose you have been asking a similar question. My gf did say that she didn't want to make the decision to stay and then end up leaving when we're married with kids. Would you have preferred your husband do this, or are you glad that you had the chance to have kids etc? Just a selfish question that i've been asking myself...
Now the worst part is that she says she still loves me. As much as she always has. We had a great relationship with no cheating or nasty fights. We just loved each other more than anything else. And i still feel this from her. but surely i can't be expected to wait for her until she's ready to come back (months, years?). From how we split everything up, it definately isn't going to be soon.
Just imagine how great this need to be alone must be to be able to up and leave someone you still love so much. That's what made me know there wasn't anything i could do.
So that's my story, and i know i haven't really answered your question. But from what i can tell it can happen very suddenly and without any hint of a problem. So much so that you wander around aimlessly, completely numb, dumbfounded that something like this could happen to something so good.
Re:Stunned!! Repentant: I've given this advice to a friend and it worked:
Date others.
Act perfectly happy as things are (very difficult to do but extremely effective)
Don't pressure- act as though it's just fine :)
I know, men suck.
Basically, spin this thing on its ass- MAKE HIM JEALOUS!
Try new things, always look yer best and ignore the SOB. You'll be amazed the effect it will have. Try this for a month consistently and you'll see. Then YOU won't want him when he comes crawling back.
Re:Stunned!! jillieb44: Midlife crisis.
He's been following the prescribed path: girlfriend, marriage, house, kids, mortgage, daycare, yardwork, yada yada yada. Many people give up who they are when they say 'I do.'
Then they see some cute young thing, and suddenly wish to be free from the life they've created with their spouse.
Yes, having young kids is tiring draining expensive, all consuming, etc. HARD. Wives gain weight, get saddled with most of the child care, and <gasp> place more demands on their husbands to pitch in around the house, take the kids off her hands so she can get a break, etc. When he just wants to hang with the guys, watch sports, and relax after his hard week at work.
This likely has nothing to do with you and ALL to to do with him. He's longing for his single days again, his life has grown stale (not your fault, it's the way things are when you have young kids and all those demands).
Sorry to hear about this. Will he consider counseling? The grass is NOT always greener. He should also consider that if he chooses to divorce, that he'll likely lose the house, and he'll end up paying child support and won't be as well off financially to support his new lifestyle. He'll still have to interact with you and take care of the children.
IMO he's being totally selfish. If he hasn't already had an affair, would he consider reconciling? Do you still want him back??
On a positive note, at least he's being up front and honest with you. I'm sure my ex felt the same way, but rather than tell me just started treating me like dirt, like I'd somehow ruined his life. Or, like the spouses of others here just run off and cheat.
Jillie
Re:Stunned!! Ilosther: Has he ever been on his own before? I know me and my wife went straight from college to living together. I think my wife feels she needs to be on her own, hence the moving out. But, then why have a kid with me? It makes no sense, and I do think a midlife crisis is going on, my wife is on 29, but the stress we've endured in the past 2 years, plus her troubled childhood, it can add up.
But whatever you call it, these people we once called husbands or wives, they just left their bodies and are no longer there. So, I consider my wife has died inside, I can't bring her back to life, and now I need to move on as a single parent. She will forever be my friend, and may one day during separation become my wife again, but I gotta prepare for the worst and try to move on.
You will, you have to, for your kids, and for yourself. Too bad these people dont really do it for their kids, it's them first. Too bad.
You will get through this, we are all trying to, and there is strength in numbers.
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