Re: Is he insane? jillieb44: dgiirl, it's him, not you. Passive agressive control sh*t. Lived with that too long. Also other oh so very subtle emotional abuse, yet when I called him on it I was 'making things up,' I was 'too sensitive,' 'lying,' etc.
It feels great to be out from under that cloud of tension where I was walking on eggshells all the time. ICK.
Be glad you're done with him. I unfortunately will have to deal with mine from here to eternity because of the kids.
Jillie
Re: Is he insane? dgiirl: Thanks jillie :)
I read up on the terms passive aggressive and narcisim. A lot of the traits of both apply to my stbxh. The main ones are his refusal to express his emotions and him being the victim and it's always someone else's fault. I never thought, and dont like the thought, of him abusing me. Abuse to me implies he's doing it on purpose, and I really dont know if he is or not. But I've believed that everything is my fault for so long that it's hard for me to realize that he's partly at fault. The more I'm away from him, the more I'm realizing a lot of his bad traits. And I probably am a lot better off without him. The most important thing is the depression has lifted and I like the person I see in the mirror again. I'm not as angry as I use to be either.
Good luck with yours! :(
Re: Is he insane? dgiirl: After 5+ months, he's finally done something. His lawyer drew up a draft and sent it to mine. I cant describe the emotions I'm feeling right now. Half of me has just died giving up hope of ever reconcilling.
Re: Is he insane? jadedangel: [color=navy"> I don't understand that part of myself .... why there is always that lil bit of hope ... I feel for ya girl.... but I do think you know better than anyone ... it's probably the best thing for you. [/color">
Re: Is he insane? dgiirl: I hate holding onto hope. I can see myself doing it, and I tell myself not to do it, but I end up doing it. I think it's a protective mechanism. The body can only handle so much hurt at once, so then it hopes to stop feeling hurt. If I felt all the hurt all at once, I probably wont be here today.
Sometimes I think it's the best thing... It's not like he ever treated me badly, well it's hard to say if he treated me badly. He simply ignored me most of the time, blamed me for everything, never shared his feelings, all in a passive way. It's so confusing. I do know next time around I'll be more demanding in the relationship, and hopefully more in tune with my own feelings/needs. There's so many things I sacrificed in this relationship, and told myself it's ok, he loves me. Next time around I'll be more demanding. If he wont do the things I need him to do, I'll get out of the relationship. No need to go down that road again making excuses why he doesnt buy me flowers, hold my hand, be affectionate, be romantic etc.
Click More for the next page.
