What should I feel hurtinbad: I don't know how to feel. My wife is planning on moving out on August 1st, and I have been hoping that she will reconsider.
Tonight we had an honest discussion, and she has really never been happy with me, but I can honestly say that she has never voiced it clearly enough for me to know. I know now. I wish I knew before, and could have learned what she needed. Now it is too late. She doesn't want to work on our relationship. I do, I think.
Now that I know all of the things she doesn't like about me, I don't know if I want to be with her. She always focuses on the negative about me and our relationship. Try as I might, I can't seem to keep them in the front of my head. They get pushed out by the memories of our good times. Why is that? Am I an optimist and she a pessimist? Are men that much different than women.
I want her to be happy, but also don't want to be unhappy myself as a result. I expect that she will carry out her plans. I think that will pretty much signal that it is over. I haven't read anything encouraging on this board that suggests that we will reconcile afterwards.
How should I feel? I want relief! We've been going on like this for 2 months. The thought of another month in limbo is not enticing.
Re: What should I feel AfterMath: hurtinbad,
I'm sorry you're going through this. It stinks that two married people can be so far apart mentally & emotionally, and not realize it until it's seemingly too late.
Have you guys considered counseling? I'd say try.
Do you think there's anyone else involved?
Re: What should I feel Repentant: Read this:
http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/125.htm
http://www.divorceasfriends.com/findissues.html
Might help. Don't have to buy the e-books but the advice the offers is pretty sound IMO.
Re: What should I feel Older Guy: Hurtinbad - sounds like you just wrote my story.......i say give it a try to win her back...however, form my epxrience if she is deternined to go, you will be able to do very little to stop her. I say be nice to her, tell her you wish that you could work on things to let her know how you feel. You 'll probably find a lot of resistance - but she is probably ahving a bit of a hard time with her decision and doesn't need any more pressure from you. She would probably resent you for it for the moment.
.
My ex-wife has fonud an appartment and is moving out on Aug 1. There is no stopping it. I've come to grips with the fact that she absolutely needs to do this. I don't like it but i need to accpet it. The way i look at it now, is that if it is ever meant to be that our paths would cross again...if not then i have my whole future ahead of me. For some reason it stopped hruting 24 hours per day once i came to that conclusion and accepted it.
Be brave, Be strong ! Be nice to her and give her sometihng nice to remember you by and think about when she inavitably leaves. From my experience that's about all i could hope for.
Good luck. Sorry you're having to be here, however glad you droppped in.
Bob
Re: What should I feel hurtinbad: I am trying as hard as I can to stop this. I am seeing a counselor. I've read everything I can find (Divorce Busting, Light Her Fire, Real Love, ...). She isn't receptive to me, yet.
There is no one else, right now. She was infatuated with a guy for the past 2 years. That is what triggered this. She never dated nor was physical with him (she says). That is now over (according to her). I tend to believe her.
As far as counseling, she isn't ready to work on our marriage. She says that she has tried for the past 17 years and is giving up.
She is set on moving out. She thinks that she (and we) have to go through this if there is to be a chance for us.
I have been being nice to her. I can't help it. I'm a nice person.
I can accept her moving out. I don't like the impact on our kids. I still hope that it won't happen, or that if it does, it will be of a short duration.
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